Friends Lie
by sheep1
Summary: Hermione takes up extra credit work to try and get her mind off her two ex-bestfriends and maybe just in spite of them... SSHG... COMPLETE
1. untitled one

**Friends Lie**** - ****Chapter One**

"I can't believe I was talked into this," muttered Hermione as she walked down the hall towards the dungeons. She was on her way to see her least favourite professor, in her own time, the doors of the castle slowly winding around and past her.

"Damn." She could hardly remember how she got there, but there the great wooden door stood. The torches on either side cast eerie shadows, haunting the air behind her.

Suppose he's not there. Then she could turn around and tell Lavender that, and forget the whole idea. She could lie. Either way Lavender wouldn't believe her, and would tell half the school some rumor involving herself and the professor. And then she would get called down to where she stood now, and would have to explain to Snape why the hell everyone was talking about him. Maybe it was best to get it over with now.

God, how Hermione hated dares. Sure, Lavender was correct, a day of Snape would definitely get her mind off other pressing issues. But was it worth it?

She smiled at the thought of how much even talking to him civilly would irritate Harry and Ron. With that thought in mind, she lifted her fist to the door, letting the hollow sound echo down the stone corridor.

Too late to run away now.

What the hell was Malfoy up to now? Probably caught Potter or one of his sidekicks blowing up something, pretending it was related to Voldemort. Yes, and Dumbledore would believe him too.. _'Really headmaster, I defeated the dark lord for the ninth time straight and escaped alive!_' Potter would say.

"Come in!" Snape barked at the door. It was not Malfoy who entered.

Hermione shyly stepped through the door, speaking the words "Good evening Professor Snape."

"Ms Granger."

Hermione shuddered. His voice was sharp, he could poke out and eye with a tone like that. How would it sound if instead it was soft and gentle, a whisper into her ear? Oh that did not help the quake in her bones.

"May I, Miss Granger, ask why you are here tonight? Or do I even need to ask? You here on some insolent mission, Perhaps I made some first year cry? As head girl you would greatly appreciate it if I dropped onto hands and knees to make friendly. It would make your life easier, would it not?"

He smirked at her look of astonishment. Although, to Hermione's defense he did not know her astonishment was at her own thoughts. The brain of the smartest witch in the castle was tripping and spinning. Hands and knees, oh fuck, his hair would fall enveloping his face as he could tease her here from the floor. Damn, damn, fuck, why again was she doing this? She could just stab herself with the green silver letter opener sitting on his desk and it would be over. If the blade was sharp enough to do any damage. Somehow, she doubted it.

Snape stood and watched her bite her lip. What the heck is wrong with her? She could very well be a girl with a crush standing there like that. Now that would be a surprise. The girl who had hung on Harry Potter's every syllable, having a crush on him, of all people. He toyed with the thought. In the back of his mind he could almost see himself bite that lip for her. No, never... But maybe, it's sometimes fun to pretend.

"I was hoping - wondering." Hermione quickly corrected herself, focusing hard to restrain from blushing as she saw Snape's eyes trace her body. She told herself that it was only him planning on the best way of 'accidentally' killing her. ". If I could get some extra credit in for this class.."

"Why?" Snape bellowed, His tone effectively catching her off guard. She got 102.4%, even though he had tried to mark her down for the slightest error, damn waste of his time trying to teach her anything.

"Ahh.." Hermione tried desperately to think up a reason._'Because Lavender's idea of helping a friends out turned out to be nothing less then torture'_ - no that didn't seem like an appropriate answer, somehow. She tried desperately not to focus on Snape's razor-sharp eyes, feeling as though her brain was being penetrated, taken over. Maybe she had just died from the empty void in her head, and was already in hell. People could die from not thinking right? Yes, if they lost their cool in front of the devil himself. Oh, and the devil was looking more and more tasty every second. _'Breathe, Hermione'_

"I wanted to investigate my options for further studies of potions." Why was that so hard to come up with? Merlin, she was losing it.

"As in at a magical university, Ms Granger?" He answered with inquiry, perhaps more astonishment. She was surprising him tonight. First a school girl crush, and now a secret fondness for sweating in front of a hot sticky cauldron.

"Yes," Hermione replied.

Snape thought about it. It would be the first time a non-Slytherin student had ever considered studying potions outside of Hogwarts in many years. He realised that as a Death Eater, he would be expected to turn down her request, unless the headmaster had ordered him. Which he probably would, if Snape refused the request.

"Come to the potions classroom at 9:30 tomorrow, and you can assist me. You will need to commit the entire weekend to the project, and if your performance is satisfactory, then I will consider your request further."

Snape spoke these instructions harshly, but as Hermione looked at his face, she saw no signs of hostility directed towards her within his features. In fact, his eyes seemed calm and relaxed, as though he was not at all bothered by her intrusion. Hermione was startled by this observation, and in her confoundment, failed to reply.

Snape raised one eyebrow, as if demanding an answer.

"I won't disappoint you." Hermione said softly. And walked out.

"Damn," Snape said softly to himself. What the hell had happened there? Miss Granger had come to him, obviously unprepared, to ask for extra lessons... To pursue a career in potions? Hermione being unprepared for anything was unusual enough, But the way she had looked at him. No, he shook his head. No woman would ever be interested in him.

"What the hell did I just get myself into?"

Hermione questioned her sanity as she stood outside the door. Did she just agree to spend her entire weekend with Snape? Had she just been eyeing up the 'greasy old bat'? Was all that sexual energy really in the room, or was it all in her head? Was her head really that messed up? She ran her fingers through her hair, and started to walk. Assessing the situation, yes, good idea Hermione, let's assess:

So, she was going to work with Professor Snape for two days on an unknown potion. Damn! Why didn't she ask the name of the potion? She could have then researched it so she didn't have to seem like a fool in front of him. She considered going back, but she was climbing the stairs already. As she thought about it, she realized she didn't want to go now, tomorrow, or ever.

_'But think about all the reasons you should go tomorrow,'_ she reflected. She would be able to tell Lavender that she went through with the dare, and she was going to thoroughly irritate her two ex-friends. And she would be gaining more experience with which to decide what to do with her life. That was if she made it through both days alive. This was Professor Snape we are talking about, not Professor McGonagall. He was the cruelest teacher in the school.

Cruel, but with something more enticing than McGonagall. Her skin tingled.

Filled with thoughts of confusion, she found herself in front of the entrance to Gryffindor tower.

"Password?" the fat lady sang out.

"Chocolate Frog." Hermione replied, as she entered the tower.

Hermione walked through the Gryffindor common room, the red and gold décor reminding her yet again of Ron Weasley. The coldness took her over again. Her mind flashed back, and she remembered a joke Ron told her, her mind echoing back against her will..

_"Hey Hermione" Ron called out. "A cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the Old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. After a month, he realizes that he has not seen one woman since he arrived in the settlement. So he walks into the bar, and asks where he would be able to find a woman.._

_"That's all you ever think about." Hermione told Ron sharply, kissing him on the cheek. The thought she ever did now repulsed her._

_The now red Ron continued._

_"The barman replied 'Why do we need women when we have sheep?'. So, in desperation, the cowboy went out later in the week to find himself a sheep, and did, you know.."_

_"Nasty." Hermione had replied, thoroughly repulsed by where this joke was going._

_"Yeah, and he took her back to the bar, where he noticed everyone looking at him oddly. So he asked the barman what was wrong if everyone did it. And the barman told him that was the sheriff's sheep." Ron finished, laughing._

_"Ron, that is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard" Hermione said, with a look of distaste. She rather liked Sheep, not in a randy way. Had stopped eating them a while back. Actually maybe she should become a full blown vegetarian now, thinking it couldn't be that bad._

Hermione had automatically walked into the seventh year girl's dormitory. She flung herself onto her bed, wrapping a blanket around her as she rolled over, to protect herself against the cooler air.

"Don't tell me you went through with it?" Lavender called from the bed across from Hermione's, looking up from her magazine.

Hermione glanced over, seeing Lavender's bed for the first time since she entered the room. The red room was filled with four poster beds, the draping curtains made out of a shimmering gold fabric. Lavender's area was littered with nail polishes, lip glosses, and magazines, with posters of the hottest quidditch players of the season plastered on the walls. Hermione couldn't understand Lavender. They were eighteen years old, and the bouncy girl sitting opposite her still hadn't realized there was more to the male species than their appearance. Nor that her nail color was very affective in picking up a good one.

But, despite their differences Lavender was still a good friend, and the two had become close that term. Almost as close as she had been to Harry and Ron. At remembering the two, Hermione felt like screaming. She looked around her bed, searching for a distraction. She picked up an old stuffed sheep her parents had given her for Christmas a long time ago, and arranged it on her pillow. This was her part of the world. Her little corner with books, quills and parchment.

She felt so grownup compared with her friend. However, maybe she wasn't so grownup. Maybe she didn't always have to get at least 100% on her exams without feeling like a failure. Maybe Ron and Harry would face up to what they had done, and apologise. No, she was just lying to herself.

"Earth to Hermione! Did Snape take your brain for his next potion or something, so he could be as smart as you?" Lavender called from across the room.

"Oh." Hermione said, looking startled. "No."

Lavender rolled her eyes at Hermione's response. "DID YOU SEE SNAPE?" Lavender shouted across the room. Hermione nodded.

"9:30 am tomorrow," Hermione said, as if in a daze. She again thought of the professor. "Damn" she murmured quietly to herself.

"Well at least you will be too caught up to think about some two grade A bastards then" Lavender perked up from across the room.

"If only you know." Hermione whispered, as she lay back on her bed.


	2. untitled two

*A/N: wow, thanks for the reviews everyone! At least I know people read... and I seriously suck at English. Not like I didn't already know that. ^_^ Anyhow I downloaded a new spell/grammar check program and hopefully it will help considerably. ^Crosses fingers^ ... personally I still think its all crap. But hey writing is good for my sanity... Also I still don't own anything Harry Potter, except for that one key chain*  
  
Hermione rolled over, it was Saturday. God knew that was nice. Kind of freeing she thought. Not that she didn't like school, but it was the day she could just sit around and do absolutely nothing in particular.  
  
It would be even nicer if she was in someone's arms. Hermione thought of being held early in the morning. Nothing better to do then just sink into bliss, she looked up at the clock.  
  
"Shit!" Hermione's stomach gave a sudden lurch.  
  
9:15  
  
"You would figure something dumb like this would happen on the one Saturday that I have to work with Snape." Hermione muttered to herself.  
  
"What the hell?" Lavender mumbled across the room.  
  
"Snape... 9:30... fucking, stupid, retarded day. No, this can't be the day Hermione wakes up early on a Saturday and can't sleep in. No it had to the day I wake up 15 minuets before I have to work with Snape! " Hermione mocked herself throwing her clothes halfway across the room. Now only if I could find a good fricking outfit, Hermione thought to herself. She pulled out a Thunder Cats T-shirt. Hermione's favorite gay, porno, children's muggle cartoon show... right next to He Man. Ah... good enough, she said smiling at her own thoughts. Grabbing a pair of jeans and she sprinted out the door to the bathroom.  
  
"Good God, Hermione! Your such a crack addict, I swear." Lavender laughed to herself sleepily looking out the door.  
  
...  
  
Snape looked down at his breakfast. He has got to be kidding me, Snape thought looking rather closely at his eggs. Dumbledore in no way thought he was ACTUALLY going to do this. It was like asking Minerva to poll dance for the crowd in front of the Three Broomsticks. I mean come on!  
  
"Now, Severus... I know you'll come to your senses and do this. It will be for the gain for the whole student body. And maybe you'll win points with the ladies" Dumbledore winked at him. Snape could have broke down into tears of laughter right then and there.  
  
"So, let me get this straight, Albus." Snape looked up from his plate concerned he was going to throw up if he looked at his breakfast of a chickens menstrual cycle any longer " You want me to be the... Easter bunny?"  
  
The Easter bunny... the time a wizard decided that it would be fricking hilarious to send an oversize bunny off bringing colored eggs to all the muggle children. I mean that guy would been slaughtered by the Ministry now a days for doing the same exact thing. Looking at the great hall was not much better then looking at his boiled eggs. All the pastels replaced the normal old rich velvet decor. Cute little robins chirping all over the place. The mahogany tables switched in for brightly colored birch ones. The thought of spring somehow was morally unethical for him.  
  
The romance. The cheer. The cute little critters. The Easter bunny.  
  
"So, you'll do it Severus?" Dumbledore looked at him expectantly. God damn, stupid, trusting old dude. He always was getting on everyone's good side. Including Snape's  
  
"Yes." What the fuck did I just say? Snape looked at his hands. He no way just agreed, the man had got to be charming him or something. He wanted to cry in his own self-misery.  
  
"That is great! Then, we will discuss the costume latter, but Ill be sending you a condolence percent soon" Dumbledore said evidently pleased with himself. Snape wanted to rip that smugness out of his voice and shoving it up his ass.  
  
"Cause I'll really need some condolence" Snape muttered to himself. Now what the condolence present is the better question. He would thoroughly doubt if it was a pay bonus, or something of actual value to a teacher.  
  
"Well you should be off to that extra credit with Hermione then, Professor. Good luck, I'm sure she wont be as much a prick as you been thinking." The words rolling from Dumbledore tongue made him regret ever confining in the headmaster with his difficulties. He knew that Dumbledore had a soft spot for all his head boy and girls. Hermione was a Head girl... She just sounded so OLD that way.  
  
"Yeah, good bye, Albus." Snape headed out the door looking to see he would be late. She could wait though. Hermione Granger, waiting for him. How nice.  
  
...  
  
Hermione smoothed down her hair muttering a few spells to make it dry straight. She headed down the stairs for the dungeons. At this rate she just might make it. Why was she in a rush to see Snape? Was she afraid he would kill her if she showed up late? He might call off the project. Afraid she might let him down. Maybe he expected more from her, More then the rest of the school. She also just might want to please him.  
  
"Honestly Ms. Granger, Madam Pomfrey would never stop badgering me if she saw you like that." Hermione glance back. She knew who had just said that... it was Snape, right? Would he be that kind... humorous, with her around. Yes, it was Snape. He looked nice in his cloak one of his usual white satin button down shirts and black pants. What do I fucking mean 'usual'? Hermione thought to herself. Not like I pay attention to what he wears.  
  
"Now," he said draping his cloak over her shoulders. Hermione found herself lost in his warmth. It did smell nice, He had almost touched her too. Hermione imagined what it would be if his hand had touched her neck. He spoke softly as he put it on; "you would have been late by now, Ms. Granger."  
  
Snape saw her look from behind. She looked warm and happy. He liked it. Yes, Hermione Granger is warm and happy, your life goals are complete, He thought just in spite of himself. She thinks you're oh SO suave, her teacher telling her off for being cold, and late. And I'm late aren't I? Anyhow that would be beside the point; the point is your not supposed to be a gentlemen Severus. You supposed to be a teacher. And you are. And she's a student. And you have no right worrying if your being a gentleman or not.  
  
"Thanks, professor." She smiled and looked up at him. She was surprised to see him smile back. Probably thinking I'm a crazy girl with a crush. She was mad at her mind for the last comment. She did not have a crush. Or did she? I don't want to know, Hermione told her self. "Oh, and Professor..."  
  
"Yes" Snape looked quizaldly down at her...  
  
"I'm not late if I'm there first!" She shrieked before running down the hall, laughing.  
  
"Stop! You insane Head Girl!" Snape snarled at her, playfully, she hoped. Snape... was being playful? Hermione could have cracked up.  
  
....  
  
"Yeah, I bet you didn't think that the same room would be locked now would you?" Snape pulled out a key, as Hermione blushed. She couldn't quite believe she had just run down the hall. Hopefully no one saw that, or they might just be wondering why Snape was running down the hall after her. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as she dreaded. She pulled his cloak around her. It was colder down here. The floor must slant down, or something. She could get used to him being nice. The door clicked open. She walked onto the room she had been dreading walking into yesterday. His study, cool without the fire burning.  
  
"Here" Snape tossed the keys to her, she looked at him "just light a fire if you want, and get all the ingredients from the list on the desk, and the key will unlock the storage room. Ill be out in a minute. He walked into a room Hermione had never really noticed before.  
  
Snape looked into the mirror. He was in the bathroom. He needed to get away from her for a second or two, Maybe to make his mind calm down. "Shut up, Severus" He told himself. He ran his fingers through his hair. Damn 21 years olds hormones. Not that it didn't make him look good. Did, Hermione notice the difference? Enough, he wasn't supposed to be thinking about her. He was supposed to be telling himself he was in control of his emotions. That he did not just chase an 18-year-old girl down the hall. He was going to walk out of that door now, and become the teacher again. He stepped out.  
  
Hermione had the fire lit. She had all the ingredients set out, she had the cauldron placed over the small fire in the corner of the room... he wasn't really standing in there for that long... had he? No matter.  
  
"Umm, Professor?"Hermione said uncertainly over to him. She did not want to piss him off now. She had a feeling the friendliness in the corridor was just a fluke. She hoped it wasn't, but hey. She just couldn't really tell. He looked serious now. Straining to be serious. Maybe it was just a Saturday for him too. That was it. He wanted to have a good Saturday, like everyone else.  
  
"What?" Snape looked to see if anything was horribly wrong. Was the some of that dreadful breakfast on him or something? Wouldn't he had seen it in the mirror?  
  
"What potion are we making?" Oh that's all. Snape sighed mentally. Always mentally, Snape reminded himself.  
  
"Well, its a new little creation of mine" Hermione saw the smug smile cross his face. Well if he isn't so proud. It was kind of cute. "Erm; it's hard to explain." Do I really have to tell her? Snape was battling himself. HE could just lie. It would be easier. No, Dumbledore would eventually tell her. What would she think... ?  
  
"Its not like I'm dumb and will have a hard time understanding your English, just tell me!" Shit, Hermione thought. Did she just cross a boundary? Don't kick me out now! She silent pleaded with him. Snape leaned back against a desk and motioned for her to sitting his chair. Hermione sat... she was really beginning to hope this was a murderous spell or something.  
  
"Ok, it was last year" Snape ran his hand through his hair. He had to continue now. "I was looking for a potion that could be mutated to cure the common cold. Well you know Dumbledore talks people into these sorts of things." Hermione nodded, looking intently at him. This was bad. Severus's nerves were starting to swear at him, with vengeance, He could just make something up now... but she would still find out.  
  
"Anyhow, I began working with this potion, Disendumus; it's a particular favorite among suicides. It makes you just disappear, cease to be, people think its great because the people left behind have no way of morning them, its like leaving them empty handed. So I thought if I weakened it to only effected a few cells in the body, what I thought were the virus cells..."  
  
"Dumbledore isn't slowly disappearing is he!" Hermione broke in, not being able to wait for Snape's full process.  
  
"No, luckily." Or maybe not luckily with this new Easter Bunny thing. With Dumbledore disappearing he wouldn't have to do it, that would be great. Hermione smiled to see he was smiling at his private joke "it didn't work exactly, though. It affected the wrong cells. It went to the aging cells, unable to retain it from its original purpose too far, because if you took too much you would still cease to being." Snape could see she was dieing to say something. He didn't want to say anything more. It would be rather embarrassing  
  
"So you would get younger if you took it?" Hermione thought of Dumbledore as a kid. That would just be weird.  
  
"Yeah"Snape glanced at her, as if begging her to ask more. She WAS Hermione granger, she couldn't just shut up. When it came to information you could never satisfy Hermione.  
  
"So how much younger is Dumbledore?" Snape wished she didn't specify him, then he could have just gave a flat answer. She would never think twice about it.  
  
"Well I couldn't let Dumbledore be the first one to try it. I mean I couldn't live with myself if something went horribly wrong. And well it made the person 15 years younger." Snape stood there fighting the blushing he could feel coming on.  
  
"Professor," Hermione whispered. She wanted to get this story straight... "How old are you?"  
  
"Twenty-one" Snape said, watching the astonishment flow across her. 


	3. untitled three

3  
  
*A/N: wow, The 1st chapter is up and redid, because I had gotten a beta person... the lovely kaljinxi, If you ever so wondered ^_^ Anyhow I dont know how things are going to go because she's an awfley busy person and I thought I better damn well get this chapter up even though only the 1st has been mended because Im finshing up ch5 at the currrent moment :) Anyhow if your still reading this story, I comend you...*  
  
Damn... it had been better when things were normal. When she didn't even have to consider something happening. It all was very well wanting to be around a guy you don't know, but then you learned something stupid. Like this. And it all comes crashing down on top of your head... Hermione didn't want to actually have a chance with her potions teacher. Ok, so she did.  
  
No, I don't! Hermione told herself mentally. No. No. No. Never in a million years, don't think Hermione. Don't think. Of course that would never work. She started thinking as her teacher as a young guy. He was practically the age of Fred and George. I mean, Christ!  
  
"Ms. Granger?" Hermione snapped up to her professor, looking slightly behind his shoulder. She didn't want to look at him. No, it wasn't right. "You know you can't go telling the whole school this. Well to be precise." He looked down looking straight into her eyes. Hermione couldn't pull his gaze away. He was as though daring her to even try something. His voice had become a low snarl of authority "if you tell a single soul, I will find away to make sure that you will regret it."  
  
He had to say something. She just had zoned out. Why did it have to come out so, brutal? Snape asked himself. Why, because I'm the professor. He repeated it in his head as though to stamp it in. It was the hormones of a twenty-one year old guy that made him want Hermione. It wasn't him. It was the potion. The dumb potion that Dumbledore said he should tell her about. His mind thought back to that morning breakfast...  
"Severus, you have to tell her what potion you're making." Dumbledore had said looking up at him seriously "She's smart, she'll understand." That's the point! Severus's mind had screamed. I don't want her to understand! Why should she?  
  
"What and give her more of a reason to think she's at the same level as I am. What if she crosses boundaries Albus?"  
  
"What if you cross boundaries, Severus?" Dumbledore eyes were looking amused at him. I could just slap that man; Severus fought to steady his shaking hand down. If he was saying he would want to be with Hermione, then he was, right... No he was wrong! The other side of his mind screamed at him. The sane side. Snape had to listen to the sane side from now on.  
  
That was his problem out in the hall. His sane side had lost control. He couldn't let that happen again. No matter how bad he wanted to be friendly to Hermione.  
  
"Jeez, Its not like you cant be nice to the poor girl." Dumbledore had said.  
  
"Yeah whatever." He had begun to study his breakfast not wanting to look at Dumbledore anymore...  
"So, I guess we should get started" Hermione said, bringing Snape out of his daze. Not like they should stand uncomfortably around his desk all day. She had been wrong getting her hopes up of having an enjoyable day. She felt the words tug bitterly in the back of her mind.  
  
"Yes, the water will need to be at a boil." Snape was walking towards the other end of the room. She followed. Throwing off the cloak into the chair. It was going to be warm over there anyhow, right?  
  
...  
  
Snape looked down at the potion. They had been working for 2 hours now. Successfully talking of nothing but the potion and possible side affects of it. Dumb and pointless stuff. He wanted to talk to Hermione like a normal person. Not the guy who had just spilled his biggest secret out to her and was afraid of what she might think of him. And now the potion was nearly done to where there was 3 hours of simmering. What could the do for 25 minutes? Standing around didn't seem like an option that he wanted to explore very openly.  
  
"That's about it." Hermione said dropping in the last pinch of dried willow leaves. She looked into the potion, seeing his reflection. She hated herself for looking at it. She hated herself for wanting to be closer to him. She hated the uncomfortable silence in the room.  
  
It was all dark except for the fire under the cauldron. The air behind her was cold. Still. Why couldn't there be a breeze? Hermione asked herself. Just the silent, stillness in the room. Snape finishing stirring, not once did the spoon clang against the cauldron. Why did he have to be so precise? So perfect? So fucking young? She could imagine his taste. She was so close. But so very far. She hated him for it.  
  
Don't get emotional Hermione. Just don't, she told herself. It makes things worse.  
  
"So Ms. Granger," He said deciding to break the silence. Putting down the spoon. He didn't know what to do, what to say. Every single one of his own movements was causing him so much agony. We wanted to look natural, comfortable, he wasn't. Don't cross your arms Severus, he told himself. Just let them hang limp. What? "Um," Oh that was bloody brilliant! Let's just say um. I'm a fricken scholar. "So what happen between you, Potter and Weasley?  
  
Damn, it why did he have to ask? She didn't want to tell him. It made her feel so vulnerable. She couldn't tell him. It was too horrible. He would have to punish her for a story like that. No matter if it was her fault or not. It wasn't her fault. At least she could hope.  
  
It kind of is my fault. I had always such a smart alike... I was the one who brought it up. But they were the ones who had gone through with it. They had chosen their victim. She just had played a minor role. But such a minor role would have won her the academy award for supporting character. But if I'm not going to tell him, how will I get out of it?  
  
I could run away, I could lie, I could... Hermione's mind read through the possible options. None seemed right. Hermione could feel the panic rising in her chest. How long had she been standing there playing this all out? Don't look at me! Hermione screamed mentally. She turned abruptly going towards the desk. It was darker there. He couldn't see her so well. She could think of something then. The lump in her throat was rising as she sat on the desk, and he came to sit beside her. ..  
See could see Harry's face looking down into her eyes. His green eyes full of. She didn't remember what exactly it was. Terror, or simple truth. It was how honesty was right then. In that moment. Only in that situation would you see such pure, soul less eyes looking straight into your own tear stricken ones, and it would be pure honesty you saw.  
  
"If you ever tell a single person" Harry's voice lowered to a low growl "I will kill you." Hermione had no doubt that he would. She nodded weakly. The tears still had been silently running down her face.  
  
"And," A smile played on his lips now "if you tell a single person associated with him... I will kill your parents. Slowly, and you will be right there. Maybe then you would understand my that made me pain did this. Only," the wicked smile showing his teeth now, glistening like Hermione's eyes "you know you will be locked up in Azkaban to relive it for all eternity."  
  
Hermione remembered that her supporting role would still get her locked up for life. She had nodded weakly again. He had placed a bitter kiss on her lips, to seal the deal. She remembered how he had torn her lips open, making her taste him...  
Hermione tried to breathe, but it came out as a sob for air. Snape watched as her tense figure finally gave in. She was sobbing, though still not daring to look at him. What had he done that made her so afraid of him? There was no way she could still want to protect them. He wanted to move over and hold her let her sob in his arms. Whisper to her that everything is all right now. The past is gone. That he would never hurt her like they did. Whatever they did do.  
  
But he couldn't do that. His fear was that she was pull away and run. That maybe he caused her too much pain in the past. When she had been friends with those boys. And now she would see him for nothing but a bitter Gryffindor hating professor. Severus wanted her to be more.  
  
...  
  
Hermione looked down to see Snape's hand over hers, softly rubbing her hand. She hadn't even noticed. How was that even possible? He was being so gentle and she had been stuck inside her head trying to shut the whole world out. He had been sitting there comforting her, silently. She wanted to thank him, for not asking any questions. She didn't know how to, though...  
  
"I remember how," Hermione voice cracked at her own surprise that she was actually talking. Snape took his hand off hers feeling the distance between them grow. She's going to say something now though. No need to pressure her. "How, we used to walk down the corridors, me, Harry and Ron. Anywhere actually - outside, in the common room, sneaking out"  
  
She acknowledged the last fact knowing perfectly well it would help just saying it. Yes, she had snuck out with the two of them. Sometimes on her own accord, others with them standing there saying she had to go... Not to be such a prick.  
  
"And," Hermione continued specking after the brief pause, closing her eyes to remember "I would be thinking of something, anything. And it would always be some little interrogative voice from one of them coming in to say 'God Hermione, don't space out!' followed by another 'What could you possibly be thinking about anyhow?'  
  
"It was meant not to harm me, but sometimes I swore I could just punch their little faces in" Snape laughed slightly at the thought of Hermione beating up the famous Harry Potter. The part being it was all too possible. "So I just got so frustrated with it that one-day I made up something so impossibly stupid that they, just must be able to catch a hint.  
  
"Yes, I thought about what if a turtle got stuck inside a teapot for all eternity would he actually learn divination, if Dumbledore would look better in a pale peach or lime green dress... and if Professor Snape were my secret fairy godmother who was pissed off at the counsel for giving you me." Hermione looked up in time to see him roll his eyes at her. He was still smiling, that was good.  
  
"It became quite like a joke, not like my original intent. I never got any peace then. It was rather depressing, if you ask me." Hermione added this last bit on, with a bit of finality. She didn't want to go on anymore.  
  
"That's really not it all right, the thing they did?" Snape looked over in time to see her shake her head. It was ok with him though. Why had she just remembered that then? It was a good way to ease things up though. He didn't quite over evaluate his every move now. Maybe she's glad I didn't press her for answers. Snape thought if he had it would be rude. Were Potter and Weasley really that rude. To make her expect rudeness as the norm? Or had he just been such an ass she thought he would be?  
  
"Severus," Hermione whispered his name into the silence. It was so beautiful coming out of her mouth. He wanted to hold her close. But he kept the distance of them sitting about a meter between them. "It sounds so old..." Oh that was nice of her, he grimaced at the weight of being old "so wise" she continued on, that was better at least. "What is it like? To, you know, have all that time taken away from you?"  
  
He held her words in his mind. She was right, it had been quite odd to just be 20 again. He remembered when he had just taken the potion last year; In a sense he had been robed. He looked up into her unwavering glance at him; he saw her brown eyes look intently on him, as if trying to see inside his soul.  
  
"Sometimes its great" He said whispering back into the comfortable silence they had created in the room "Being able to endure more in one day, to run up the hall yelling at head girls to mind their professors" He could see her blush. "But there are other times where you think I've already been through this. I've already done this... and it didn't turn out quite as well as I wanted it to. Why should I have to go through the same thing as before?"  
  
Hermione looked up at her professor to see his pain moving across his face. She wanted to go and hug him to pull him close to her. To tell him it could be better this time around. But it seemed to be an imposable task. How was she to know? He had been through so much, and her so little. So was so afraid when she asked that question, he could have gotten angry and told her to leave. Tell Dumbledore that the head girl had a crush on him and she would listen as the whole school talked about it.  
  
"Hermione?" He said her name, her real name, not Ms. Hermione Granger. Severus liked how it sounded; he liked being able to be comfortable enough to talk to her on an equal level. Not like he was so incredibly superior to her. "Do you think we should go to lunch now?"  
  
Hermione laughed at the stupidness of it all. Her and her least favorite professor had been sitting talking about small things. She didn't know where it was all going. But it all ended with the chance to go and be with the people they normally were around. To go and pretend that nothing out of the normal happened. That they still hated each other.  
  
"Sure." She got up and walked to the door, hearing him get up behind her. They walked out the door that way. With him just a bit behind her. Trying their best to take things perfectly normally.  
  
...  
  
Hermione felt her nerves build up as she approached the table. She had successfully wiped all the tears out of her eyes, and was now hoping no one would ask any difficult questions. She looked to see Lavender, Neville, and Ginny, look at her as she came closer.  
  
"Wow, Hermione!" She saw Lavender smile; it made Hermione feel so much better as she smiled back... what was she kidding. She always had a great time when Lavender and Neville were around. Your not supposed to feel awkward around your best friend. "You survived! I'm so very proud." Lavender wiped away an imaginary tear. They all laughed.  
  
"Snape though..." Neville looked unsure "Just for a dare? Come on you have to be fucking crazy."  
  
"But she is." Lavender said teasing her, Neville snickered.  
  
"Well if you remember what happened that one time you didn't do one of Lavenders dares" Hermione said flashing back to the time Neville had to wear a rather dashing green frog suit the whole day "You see my point, plus I'm getting you all house points from Snape"  
  
"And how many has he taken away, already then?" Some one called across the table. God, everyone WAS listening.  
  
"None, yet so far." She called down; she was rather enjoying all this attention. How the whole house, on the other hand, had found out she didn't really want to know "Ginny," She said finally taking in the silent girl next to her "what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing" Ginny said, it was evidentially not true. Of all of her good friends, Ginny was the most mysterious at times. It was ok though. "Its just, Ron owled into say he's never coming back" Hermione could have breathed a sigh of relief, but didn't want to make Ginny feel anymore uncomfortable.  
  
"Honestly now" Neville said in a look of remembrance " Why would a guy go through 6 years of this bloody school to pull out in the end and say, Oh I'm going to be A back out now, its too much pressured."  
  
Hermione looked at Ginny seeing her shock. She didn't know why Ron had suddenly decided to give up wizarding life after last summer and go out 'finding himself.' The family thought it would be a month thing... but here more then 1/2 way through the year, its permanent. She could almost feel the Weasley family's rage. He had been a decent student. It was more that Ron couldn't face some people now, and ran away. Hermione wanted to. But Hermione wasn't the type to actually go through with it. Ron was different.  
  
"I just can't believe he can just go out and do this!" Ginny said forcefully, Her eyebrows knit. "He just leaves. How can you fucking just leave? Our family has a bad enough time getting by without the comments of that one child who gave up." Hermione remembered how Ron had taken a good deal of money without letting his family know when he left. Hermione leaned over and hugged her friend.  
  
"It will be ok though... Between Charlie in the dragon business, Percy working his way up in politics, Fred and George's shop, and whatever amazing thing you decide to do with your life, the Weasley name will not die." Ginny sighed, failing to hide the smile that spread across her face, as hermione said all this  
  
"If you say so Hermione the great" Hermione smiled as she finally stared to eat the food on her plate. Almost wishing she still could take the day off. But she glanced up at the head table seeing her professor, reminding her of her morning. Today was different she would have expected. And it was only half way through. 


	4. untitled four

4  
  
*A/N: well everyone its a new chapter, thanks for all the reveiws and such and wow I dont have much to say... oh yeah this chapter throws in a odd bit that of course isn't actualy in the Harry Potter books -The None- but I thought the wizarding world really did need some weird people like that *nodds* and its my story so you have to just let it be... plus it makes our Severus more sensitive ^_^*  
  
Severus walked ousted feeling the cool breeze push against his face. It felt so good. He had walked away from the uncomfortable formality of the great hall into the dreariness of a drizzling day. It was not bright or sunny outside, just his own happy little space of rain. Feeling the dampness bead up on his skin, he walked off to the lake. Deep blue and slowly moving from the small ripples. No reflectoin shimmering off tehm, which was good. He didn't want to see himself today.  
  
It just bugged him. Severus was being bugged by a student. A smart student, beatiful. She haunted him. Hr was begining to noticed how she always showed up in his thoghts. Not to mention in his real world, doing sommething, and he was stuck with the way she made his day go. She reminded him of his father. That was fucking scary. He thought a person who was like his father was sexy. No she wasn't like him at all. Wait, she wasn't sexy either! Serverus forced his mind into lieing to himself.  
  
"No" Severus whispered to the sound of the lake. He could feel the coolness setting into him. He shivered at the solidness of his voice. The rest of teh world barly humming in comparison. Severus slowly drifted into his own mind...  
"Severus you cant possible be thinking of doing this." His father had said to him. Softly, he looked straight into his eyes. Severus couldn't bear to look at them and glanced away. He saw authority in his father's eyes. He wanted the authority, he wanted to be more then what his father was, more memorable.  
  
"Yes, I can... dad." He had said the word with a tinge of guilt. He meant it to sound sincere. Now he was going to think he was a fricking coward. That his father could still put him, Severus Snape, into place. But he would not.  
  
"Why?" His father looked up pleading with him. He had always Belived in the fight of morally right against wrong his whole life. There was no way Severus could change that now.  
  
"I've already told you." Severus spate out the words. He had reacherd the anger point. The point his father hadbrought him too so many times. And Sverus knew it was probaly easier to ralk to his dad like this. The anger brought the world into perspective. That the world was not a game of chess, white against black, good against evil, hatred against love. He loved his father as much as he hated him. The earth was all just red. Red for the blood that had been shed on either side in vain to see who was the best. Good started as battles saying evil would strike 1st. It drove Sevrus up the wall.  
  
"That you're joining the death eaters to retain peace? How the fuck do you expect me to believe that, Severus? Oh I'm going to join and then talk all the death eaters into sitting in the corner and smoking some weed with me and we will think maybe this is all wrong, and maybe we should just not do it" The elder Severus bit back mocking his sons ideals. Twisting them into the things muggles did, the Death Eater siting in the corrner geting high? Ehy didn't he just go out and call Severus stupid. A muggle, or something. And tht was his fathers weakness, muggles, he hated them with a pasion. But the 'good' side loved them.  
  
"If everything is so clear to you then why does 'your side' support the very people you hate." They shared a fierce glance that egged Severus to continue "Yes, your a muggle lover."  
  
"Your the one going off to join a group just so you can help the none-side winning the war on good and evil. But your wining it for 'Hey lets not even good or evil but throwing in the towel to get both sides to just live with each other.'" Severus's dad let out a scoff continueing to cast a voice on what his son was doing...  
  
"Hey lets all just pretend the other side doesn't exist. What exactly would we do if we won anyhow?" "That's exactly right, Dad!" It came out right this time a shout across the room "What would you do if someone won? Would it truly be the fair thing to do, to send 1/2 the society onto jail, just so we can have good win? Is that a democracy dad? Is it?"  
  
Severus saw his dads' eyes close, looking stung. Maybe he had won. Maybe he would give up and say, 'your right son, go' Severus fingered the letters tattooed across his left wrist printed up towards his hand, N-o-n-e. His side was None. And he was joining the death eaters to prove that point, that if the None reached both sides their message would implant into their minds, subliminally, that there was no way to win. And maybe if you fought lwith less brutality it would all be the same. Becuase the war was never going to end.  
  
"Good bye, Severus." He looked p to see his dad, looking at him, despair mixed with looks of acceptance at what his son had become. And that was all that Severus needed to leave with out looking back. Not the well wishes of his father, but the chance to prove him wrong....  
"Hello?" Severus looked up behind his shoulder to see Hermione there. She was jogging up making Severus leave his thoughts behind him. She was in no was like him at all. He felt bad for ever thinking so. She was a muggle born, she was no way like him. He had no idea where that connection had come from. "Fine, just ignore me, I'll be perfectly fine. Ill just be going down to the dungeons and blowing something up. Neville told me how, you know." Hermione called over the small joke, hoping to get him to stop acting so weird.  
  
Hermione was surprised with her sudden lunge of courage. Maybe lunch had made her more open-mouthed then normal. Just shut up and things will be normal, she thought to herself. She saw Severus sneer. Did she just call him Severus in her mind? Why? God, don't be weird Hermione. She looked up to see his eyes meet her own. Damn why did she say it?  
  
"I knew that Neville boy was effecting the student body." Severus said out in a sarcastically tone "Bringing them all down to his level, and now he's got Hermione there. I think the world is about to collapse onto itself." Severus saw her smile a bit. OH, yeah, he had said the right thing. The world really was about to collapse. On any other day she would have murdered him for that comment, but had just she smiled. He could have huged her. Could have held her close to him. He told himself to shut up.  
  
"Honestly..." Hermione said in a mock tone of offense. "I am both moral, and ethicaly offended for my own fellow students" She said turning around walking back to the castle.  
  
"Don't push me Ms. Granger." Severus repiled following he lead to the castle. Leaving his memories behind him at the lakeside. It felt good to leave them behind.  
  
...  
  
Funny thing about theses dungeons, Hermione thought to herself while slowly measuring the diced daisy roots , is that they are so fricking warm once the fire starts going, and intoxicating, and dark, and that you hear more then you can see. you almost feel as though you go on a emotional overload. She listened to Severus breathing across the table dicing. It sounded as though it was right next to other ear. She shivered in spite of the heat surrounding her. She heard a scratching sound at the door now interrupting her private fantasy.  
  
"Is that someone at the door?" Hermione said in a small voice, still not wanting to totally brake the silence. Severus took this into his own accord though.  
  
"Come in!" He barked at the door. The same tone he had used when he had used when she came down here last night. At least it was a normal thing, and he didn't secretly know it was her and wanted to be especialy mean and angry. Hermione watched a small little sand colored owl fly in dropping a large floopy green bunny on table, Severus quickly grabbing the note as Hermione gravitated towards the bunny how could she possibly imagine resisting an oversized floppy stuffed animal in a room that almost lured her into a dream like state? Sererus tryed to ignor her and read the note scielently to himself...  
  
bSeverus, this is a token for my appreciation of the special service you are doing this year. Just think what it would be like to be this bunny. Dumbeldoreb  
  
Severus looked up from the note to see Hermione had already sat down in front of the fire cuddling with the bunny. God, he did wish he was that bunny. He glanced up at the potion deciding it was not in a any urgent need of care, and sat down on the rug looking closely into the fire. Trying to avoid meeting eyes with the now curious Hermione.  
  
"So, Severus," She liked sayinh his real name. It made her think of him a a friendly person. Not the evil angry proffesser Snape. Maybe he would start calling her Hermione instead of Ms. Granger. That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, hermoine couldnt help smiling. "Why is this here bunny, come to be here"?  
  
"I believe its because it gravitated towards you, I certainly would have never got the thing." Severus said still not looking up from the fire, trying to ignore his brain screaming at him that she had just called him Severus, again. And that he should do something about it. What did he really want to do was beyond him.  
  
"Be nice." Hermione said immediately. On reconsideration she probally shouldn't have. He looked slightly adjitated.  
  
"All I ment to say was that its a gift from Albus, er, Dumbeldore that you have seemed to be taken to it rather quickly." He looked over to see she had sprawled out on the carpet and was now laying her head on to the stuffed animal.  
  
"Ah, well, I think it's hilarious that you would ever become in a possession of cute little stuffed bunny." She saw him send a glare over to her. She felt comfortable now, somehow it seemed as though Dumbeldore was with them now since he sent the thing down. Snape couldn't murder her because Dumbeldore would know.  
  
"Well, personally I'm surprised at it not randomly bursting into flames being in my possession." He let out a small smirk, Hermione was playing with him. But the thought of the bunny exploding, it was all to likely, cute things didn't work too well around him. He sighed and sat down on the rug a few feet from Hermione. He was surprised to see she had lasted so long.  
  
Hermione Granger, cute?  
  
Oh what was he fucking with himself for, of course she was. It was a sad admitation. The first step to solving your problem is to admit you have one. And he did, he was a fucking 21-year-old. And he was working with Granger, and he felt oddly comfortable with his own revelation. Fuck, I think I'm ill, Severus thought to himself. This day was just all too stressful.  
  
"Ms. Granger? Mind if we take a break?" Severus muttered still looking deeply into the flames. He had been sitting the thinking, and she was just sitting there wondering what the fuck was going on. He looked like he was about to collapse.  
  
"Not really." She glanced around searching for something to say. The silence always taking in the room was growing. How could he stand it? Just the small crackle of the logs before the fire and ... had he just called her Ms. Granger again? Damn it. She didn't want that.  
  
"Can I call you Severus?" He swam out of his tired mind to see Hermione looking confused at him. "I mean you respond it so much better. And if there was an emergency," She was trying to keep going she didn't want it to be a dumb question. It was too persona,l probably. Fricken stupid, wait was she still talking without knowing? "And you took like 5 minuets to look up because I said professor or something and I would feel horrible if you burnt down, erm, I mean the school. Um, yeah."  
  
Snape looked amused. She just couldn't shut up could she? Ah what the hell, her blabbering on as kind of relaxing. Exspecialy when she said his name. It was like they were friends or something. Friends weren't Severus' keen spot in life. One of his best friends was Dumbledore, and he hated the man, in the Snapey friendly way of hating someone. He looked over to see Hermione looking somewhat anxious. Afraid of what he might say.  
  
"Yeah sure," did he want to seal the sentence, the agreement? "Hermione." Damn too late now. She smiled, it made him want to melt. He laid his head back onto the rug, not wanting to look at the fire anymore. It lured him into thinking, and that was not good. Maybe if he just talked he wouldn't think so much.  
  
"So you're going to burn down the school then?" His sneer showing out as he thought of telling Dumbledore that the girl who worshipped the school was going to burn it down.  
  
"Now we know that's almost impossible with all the charms over this place." Hermione replied glancing over at the man lying on the rug. "You know its in Hogwarts a History..."  
  
"Do you honestly think Ill sit through one of your hogwarts a history lessons like you friends do?" He had said it and Hermione couldn't see from his blank expression weather or not I was meant to be a joke or something. His humor was so weird, and damn she should just say something, shouldn't she?  
  
"Well, actually, I rather thought you would." He saw he bit her lip as she mutter the rather shy reply. Aww, god he wanted to go hug the girl. Young lady, he corrected himself mentaly. What if she was a woman? Would she be his women? Shut up Severus, NOW.  
  
"Well if you're so pushy just go right ahead. But if I fall asleep, It your own fault." Snape eyed the girl, she looked rather pleased with herself as she started rattling out facts that she seemed quite proud to know. He fell into the relaxing rhythm of her voice, closing his eyes taking it all in.  
  
...  
  
" Are you asleep?" Hermione waved a hand over his face, she thought she had been talking for about a half an hour all with no interruption, which was rather odd considering if it had been anyone else they would have told her to shut up by now. Truth be told her throate was rather sore now.  
  
"No, Dumbledore's great addition of magically silenced rooms, that helped out him in recruiting spies for the anti-voldermort side..." Snape said rattling out her last sentance. He was rather disappointed she had quite talking. He kept his eyes closed hoping that maybe she would go on.  
  
Hermione noticed how he had said the anti-voldermort side, not the good side. She thought back and remembered how he may have used those rooms. He had been recruited by Dumbledore to spy. He had been a Death Eater. It sent a chill through her body.  
  
"What were those rooms like?" Hermione said timidly. She didn't know weather to bring it up or not. Weather it would be a good idea or not. He looked so calm right not sprawled out on the rug. Like CrooKshanks did. But then when you told Crookshanks to move she would get rather pissed off and threaten to kill you. Had she just told Severus to move?  
  
"Yes." He was surprised by the sudden interrogation of the girl, he kept his eyes closed he knew she was closer now, her voice was nearer, almost right next to him. He didn't want to know how near it really was. "Uh, they were, actually quite homely."Was he actually going to tell her about them? He could still show her that he might be young, but he was rather old. Ack, this was all confusing him "I wasn't even on the Anti-Voldermort side, Hermione."  
  
"What?" She felt so confused, why would he lie now? Everyone knew he had been.  
  
"I mean I did sign up for their side but really I was..." Snape blushed a bit, Hermione couldn't help but think was too adorable. "A liberal" He said it as though disgusted with his past. People associated the liberal wizards with drugs, sex, and more drugs. Maybe he did a few drugs, but there was not as much sex as one would think, at least for him. "I signed up for the the None side"  
  
Hermione looked over to his left hand, she has read about the Nones a bit in Modern Magical History. No way Professor Snape could have been a liberal though. That would just be too weird, he was a pure blood. He did join the Death Eaters. Though the liberals did do things like that, she told herself.  
  
Snape felt her softly pick up his left hand, he still lieing on the floor. Pulling himself up to sit Indian style, she dropped his hand. "It's okay." He said softly. Hermione felt a warm rush through her. She brought herself so she was directly cross for Snape, taking his hand and looking at the red letters that ran up across his wrist towards his index finger. Severus felt a small shiver run through his pine as she softly traced the letters. He could just move his hand around and hold it, then bring it up to his lips. He didn't dare.  
  
"I suppose we should get back to work now." He muttered reluctantly seeing Hermione's brown eyes look up into his.  
  
"Yeah, I should finish up with the roots" She mumbled back. Hermione had felt some sort of an odd bond between them. She was so confused it drove her mad. She was never confused like this. He was just so unpredictable. Severus had gotten up and offered a hand to pull her up. She complied and they set off to the work they were supposed to be doing. 


	5. untitled five

*A/N: Wow chapter 5... I would have had this up before but, I had a trip ^_^ I should get at least 6 up soon.... oh and I'm working on chapter 7 and the fact that Snape's change in appearance didn't cause a ruckus up at old hogwarts is explained there. Oh and I had a still have a quite a few tricks up my sleeve for chapter 8 so I cant wait to write it... maybe on Wednesday, hmmm. Thanks for the reviews!*  
  
5 Hermione had no idea what she was doing there, or why. Well actually she was there because Lavender had wanted her to stop moping and therefore dared here to do the stupid act of 'hanging out with professor Snape.' Also she was creating a de-aging potion... while hanging out with professor Snape. But was that really why she was still there? Ack, thinking too much again, she told herself. She looked up she had finished adding some gray powder in grain by grain till the potion was exactly 105 degrees, he should tell her what to do next, Now. Severus looked up at her, slowing his quill's frantic scratchings.  
  
"Leave." Severus instructed her. What, Am it not supposed to double check the temperature? Start to mix two potentially deadly things? Get yelled at for something stupid? Say something stupid? He wanted her to just leave?  
  
"Oh." She said; it sounded as confused as the two-letter word could possibly sound. Severus felt himself thinking it sounded almost disappointed. Wishful thinking, that was all it was. Why he was wishfully thinking that was beyond him. Erk, the sleepiness was taking over his brain. I have no control over what I think, he thought rather ironically.  
  
"It 12:30 you know." He told her. They had worked straight through dinner, Dumbledore had sent down some soup. Severus remembered how they sat on the rug in front of the fire slowly eating. It was very still; Severus had to fight back every urge to slurp his soup to piss her off. He always had to piss someone off. He didn't want to piss her off.  
  
"Ok, I guess I leave then." She said turning around toward the door. He could just yell out to her and say that she could just stay with him. But he mentally scolded himself for even thinking it. Hermione, spending the night with him. A hazardous experiment if he ever herd of one. God knew that it would have been nice though.  
  
"Good night." Severus called out as Hermione opened the door. She glanced back looking at him, still over his notes, was he going to sleep? Could she sleep? She knew her body wanted her to, but her mind felt as thought it was doing 90 in a traffic jam.  
  
"Good night." She said to him. Closing the door behind her. Into the dark cold hall. It was better in there, she concluded, walking up to the common room.  
  
...  
  
Severus had somehow argued himself into sleeping the night before, and he woke to the eternal darkness of the dungeons. He got up dressing in the dark, knowing everything he owned looked right together. After lighting a fire he looked up to see the bunny lying on the chair to his private desk in his room. It looked out of place there. Kind of like Hermione had the day before.  
  
Er, Hermione, he thought to himself. She should be coming soon. He left his room behind, walking into the study. He spent too much time in his study he told himself. His room was so much nicer. The study was more to retain an atmosphere of a evil professor. The huge desk with only one seat, the jars of the oddest looking ingredients sitting around the top edges of the room like a bad border. Then there was the still simmering potion in the silver cauldron. He sat down on the Persian rug in front of the study fire setting a pot of water above it to heat.  
  
He laughed to himself on how many of the students thought that at least one of the five doors in this room lead off to a torture chamber. Professor Flitwick would more likely have a torture chamber, only that it might be for a bit more dirty things then Severus wanted to think about. He did though, and somehow Hermione showed up in his fantasy. He cursed himself and then about jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock on the door.  
  
"Come in. " he yelled out a trying to cover how shaken he was. He knew it was her.  
  
"Good morning, professor." Hermione said, she walked over to the rug seeing a kettle of water starting to steam. She sat, she didn't have breakfast again today. Her stomach had protested. He handed her a cup as she sat down. The morning grogginess still evidently taken him. As she set the tea bag into the cup, he was pouring her some water. He accidentally spilling a bit it landing on her hand. He saw her wince at the heat, closing her eyes to try and not curse. He beat her to it.  
  
"Damn it!" Severus growled. Setting the kettle aside picking up her hand looking for ice, cool water... something. "Sorry, It's just early." He finally gave into his screaming mind and started blowing a gentle cool jet of water onto her hand. Hermione bit her lip noticing how close her hand was to his lips. He was still blowing a gentle steam of cool air on the heat. It probably would have hurt more if she could only focus on it, instead of her professor.  
  
"It's fine." She said; "you can go ahead and pour your own tea." She said it uncertainly. She didn't want him to pull away, but it would be less awkward this way then if he actually realized what he was doing, she told herself.  
  
Severus smiled a little and poured his own water. Yeah! She wasn't going to run to Dumbledore and tell him how abusive professor Snape was! Two points for Severus, he sipped his tea as she did the same. It was nice not being alone, he thought. Normally at this time he would have finished by now and looking at the list of things he already knew he had to do that day.  
  
"We should finish the potion by 6 tonight." Severus told her as he thought of it. We... that was a word he didn't use too often either. Hermione set down her cup finished, and he quickly swallowed the remnants of his own, he got up following her to the potion.  
  
"Well we better keep schedule then." Hermione said "what should I do?"  
  
...  
  
Hermione herd a light knock on the door. Glancing over she already saw Severus walking to it. He opened the door, and Hermione herd his sharp voice asking what whoever was there wanted. Her mind remembered the sharp voice. He hadn't been using that around her much anymore. Anymore? It had only been a day. She felt sorry as she herd the tiny squeal of a house elf, explaining how the 'great master Dumbledore sent sandwiches down so as to professor Snape and Miss Hermione Granger would not starve.'  
  
She herd the sound of a platter being exchanged from one hand to the next and the small voice of the elf continue asking if she was really there. She couldn't help smiling at the fact that the house elves knew her. A sharp yes ensued and she saw the professor walk backing with a great silver plate with a sandwich cut into triangles placed on it.  
  
"I don't know how you can bloody stand them" Severus mumbled. He saw her give a little snort. He gave a half smiled in return placing the sandwiches on the rug, where they had gotten to hang out around. He felt himself wanting to call it their rug. But wouldn't allow himself to think it. She sat down on the other side of the plate.  
  
"Their really nice you know, just a little apprehensive." Hermione told him picking up a tuna triangle. What she wanted to know was at which point in these 2 days had she started feeling comfortable around him. It was just like it just happened and she wanted to know when. And quite possibly how. But maybe if she asked too many questions it would all fall apart. Best not to ask then.  
  
"I guess you just assumed you could leave the potion." Severs said sarcastically to her picking up a triangle of his own.  
  
"Yes. I certainly did so." She said rather boldly in Severus' mind, he tut- ed quietly shaking his head.  
  
"I'm disappointed in you Ms. Granger... talking back, hm." He said a smile spreading across her lips.  
  
"Well, I guess I'm just a bitch then." Hermione bit her tongue after she said. She cursed herself for saying it. She saw his eyes widen a bit. He was going to yell at her now. She knew it.  
  
"Hermione, your not a bitch and I don't want to hear it again." Severus said it sternly He wished away his own thought of her being his bitch, as he saw her look rather ashamed. He was ashamed at himself for thinking it. An uncomfortable silence fell on the room as they nibbled their sandwiches. He cursed himself for saying anything at all.  
  
"Harry and Ron would say I was." Hermione said, breaking the silence. She couldn't take it. She didn't know that was going to come out though. She looked up to see Severus looking at her as if telling her to continue. She might as well, she thought. Thought probably wasn't a good idea to even start.  
  
"Harry and Ron and I were on a vacation with the Weasleys. It was nice, we were strolling through a little hilly road. No one had said anything for a long time. It was one of those odd things where all three of us were silent. Usually the boys would be going on about some stupid quiditch thing. So Ron spoke up and asked what I could be thinking about. I told him it was none of his business. I guess that was when Harry said it... 'Don't be such a bitch Hermione.' "  
  
She spat out the words feeling her anger for Harry rise in her chest. "He probably meant it to be funny or something, "She continued on fighting down her own emotions. "But I had been spending all too much time with them and their opinions really mattered to me. But I just glared at him and -sarcastically- told him how that guy sitting on the porch if a house we were passing looked somewhat like Harry's description of Voldermort. That it was kind of strange"  
  
Hermione bit her lip, she had got too far. She meant to shut up sooner. Could she still stop now? She looked to see Severus' hand stroking her gently. She couldn't stop, and it scared the hell out of her...  
  
"Harry looked up at the man and suddenly whispered for us to shut up. Not like Ron or me had said anything. Bit once I thought about it, I realized I had made a huge mistake. Harry's face had grown so pale so it seemed as though his scar stood out., that's what always happened when he thought of Voldermort. Harry was always the type to get 'intuitions', you know. That something bad was going to happen soon. I played along with it, but I always thought anything to do with divination was a bunch of crap. But Harry believed his intuitions. Sometimes if I wondered if him acting on his intuitions caused everything. I never said anything about it though, I just played along. So when Harry told us that really was Voldermort I told him that I was the tooth fairy. But he just glared at me and said he was serious."  
  
Hermione paused running a hand though her hair. Severus looked down at his own holding onto one of hers. He was just listening to her. But he was afraid of what she might say next. Maybe she was weaving a story for him. But he doubted it. She was telling him her story. And it didn't sound though it was a nice story. He pulled her a bit closer to him. She didn't even seem to acknowledge she was in his arms. She was defiantly out of it. And worse yet he knew wherever this story went, it had already went, and gone. Hermione's voice started softly again so soft he almost had to pull her even closer just to hear...  
  
"So they stared to hatch up a plan. Ron believing Harry's every word. He had wanted so badly to become famous. To become more important then the rest of his enormous family that he listened to Harry knowing he could eventually find fame with him. I was involved because they didn't want to not include me. Not to mention they thought I would be good for some useful random information. And they were planning on getting this guy. Killing him and not letting anyone else know till afterwards so that they could claim all the glory to themselves. No matter if it was really Voldermort and he would kill them quicker then they could get out their wands. So I resorted to telling them they couldn't do it with magic to try and stop them. It was some stupid tale like, you can't use your wands around Voldermort now because he had gotten one of his Death Eaters to come up with a protection spell for him. I followed it by 'god everyone knows that' to seal it into the truth, a Hermione random fact truth, no one would question it. But it didn't stop them. They were going to get rid of him. And there was nothing I could do about it as the next day Ron walked up with a baseball bat he stole from his dad's stuff. You know his dad works for the ministry, and they all sit around investigating some muggle objects coming up with weird explanations for the most normal things. He was sure it was the way muggles killed each other. Harry said it should do and swung it around. Like he was testing out a new wand."  
  
Hermione was detached from herself. She was just letting the story come out her month now. She didn't care. She felt safe for some odd reason, and she was going to say it...  
  
"They killed an innocent man with baseball bat."  
  
Severus held her close at this, he could hear her soft voice wavering, almost cracking. She could have stopped, he thought to himself, she didn't have to tell me. He felt as though he was holding an odd power, a security. Because she was secure with him. And he listened as Hermione continued more graphically this time...  
  
"He was sitting on his porch, It was a porch of a nice old two story home, mature trees gently blowing in the breeze all around. He reading the Daily Profit, when we came. I was in the bushes with them telling them not to. Not to be crazy. Told be to shut the fuck up, and Ron handed him the bat importantly. And Harry ran up with Ron watching his back and hit the man. I could hear his skull crack. Quidich did make Harry strong. And the blood spilled out, it was a fountain almost. Running off the wood of the porch into the grass. I knew then that it was not Voldermort because the man said with his last words something about his family," Hermione paused looking at her hands covered by Severus'. She felt s guilty now. " and not about how he cursed Harry, or that dark would prevail, or something too entirely dumb like that. He screamed out how much he loved his family and was going to be with his wife now, with the angels. And Harry just beat the shit out of his unconscious body till he was dead. "  
  
Hermione's lungs cried out or air as she realized she hadn't breathed in forever. Her breath came in as a short gasp, a sob almost...  
  
"Harry then realized by me and Ron shrieking no, that the man was not Voldermort, to stop, that this was all wrong. And we didn't know what to do next. we just sat in the bushes outside the house. Ron eventually deciding to tell his dad, saying some tale on how we saw a muggles beat a wizard to death as we were walking today. "  
  
Hermione winced. She could never forgive Ron for that. He lied. Why couldn't he just tell the truth? But then again why didn't she tell the truth? But she didn't make up the lie. And it killed her that he would do such a thing. And Harry had done it all... She hated Harry the most.  
  
"I'm so sorry Hermione" Severus whispered into her ear. She realized that he was holding her close and tensed up for a second, then relaxed. He was comforting her. She felt so guilty for having him comfort her. Why was he sorry?  
  
"Why?" She said slowly as Severus questioned himself. Why was he sorry? He was sorry for not being harsher to Potter then he already was. He was sorry forever making her feel bad. He was sorry for wanting to hold her close to him and it coming true only when she was in this much pain.  
  
"For making you relive this." Hermione herd his warm breath whisper across her ear.  
  
"It's okay." Hermione said quietly not knowing quite when they were ever going to get up and work on their potion. She didn't ever want to. Everything wasn't okay, she still hadn't told him the whole story. And it was slowly eating her inside as she lay in his arms not wanting that moment to end. 


	6. untitled six

*A/N: Hey everyone, I meant to get this up 4 days ago... oops. Ha, its up now anyhow. Yea, more reviews! I figure it wouldn't hurt any to tell you all that, yes, Harry is still at school. Though it is made a lot more evident in a couple chapters. As well as Harry's paranoia will be dealt with in a rather slow and annoyingly suspenseful way. I hope at least. Sorry if the story isn't capitalization perfect, also! as well as the italic attempts, even though they dont work I'll keep them because you will still get the idea, erm yeah.*  
  
6  
  
But she couldn't sit there anymore. She was so afraid of what he might say.  
  
That is that, Hermione couldn't stand to face up to the fact that for the first time she had told the secret she wasn't supposed to tell. She said it to Severus. The professor who hated her. At least she thought he hated her. She wasn't so sure anymore. She could see him still sitting on the rug. The plate of sandwiches left long forgotten. The whole room was lit by only the fire in the fireplace, the one under the cauldron, and those small candles floating above Severus's desk. She could see his face in the shadows, his brow creased. And she didn't know what to do. Ten seconds ago it was bliss of being truthful and honest. Now all she wanted to do was run, and fast.  
  
IWhere are you going to run to Hermione?/I She accessed her current situation at hand. She could run up to Gryffindor tower, but that wouldn't help her get away from anyone. And she didn't know how to get to Moaning Myrtle 's from here. She was walking towards the door now.  
  
iWhat I'm actually going to run away now?/i her own question was answered by her feet leading her out the door and breaking into a run as she turned right, up a staircase she had no idea where it went. Up... spiraling, faster her feet carrying her, her breathing strained by sheer height, and she was afraid of tripping over her own desperate attempt of escape.  
  
Hermione found herself at the landing to the owlery. She ran to the window to take in a breath of cool clean air. It smelled new, because of the rain yesterday. Yesterday was a better day. Though the rain made it seem dreary, appearances were deceiving. Did Snape have a deceiving appearance? She shooed away the question, seeing him coming up at the stairs.  
  
She had run so fast. iOh my god what did I do?/i was all that Severus could think as she bolted. Why had he come so close? He probably pressured her into saying it. And he had ran up after her. Damn it why had she chosen to run up to the owlery from the dungeons. Even his young body felt pained and impossibly heavy from the trip.  
  
And there was Hermione. It was like right out of a freaking story he told himself. He was blinded by the light inside the tower, and her silhouette blocking the rays from one of the windows. She was sobbing. Or was that her panting from the run? God, she is looking now, say something Severus.  
  
"Hermione," She looked away, god that's not good. He felt his own confidence take a diving plunge off the tower. "I was going to say," What was he going to say? "That I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to." What the hell? No, he didn't mean that. He had to tell someone. To get Potter. To make things fair. To be the responsible one who always thinks straight in a snap. Then why wasn't he thinking straight?  
  
Did he really mean it? Hermione felt her chest lighten. It was almost freeing. He wasn't going to tell someone, and he why had just ran up a million stairs to tell her that? Aww it was so sweet.  
  
"Just please don't jump Hermione" Severus called seriously across the tower's expanse. Oh, that's why he came. She felt emotional high fall a bit. Though mentally scolding for ever getting her hopes up, because she didn't need her hopes up, because why would she have her hopes up? Hermione was panicking herself. And she nodded.  
  
"Don't tell them" Hermione said to him. And she walked over from the window to him. Severus could feel the lump in his throat rise as the distance decreased. At least she wasn't going to do anything rash.  
  
"I suppose we should get back to work. You know unless if you give up." Severus added the last bit on in hopes of lightning things up a bit. He was rewarded with a playful smirk. They both knew that Hermione was never one to give up on an academic challenge.  
  
"Hell no! I've gone this far, don't think your getting rid of me." And with that they started their trip down the spiraling stairs.  
  
...  
  
Severus glanced at her form leaning over the cauldron. Carefully measuring, stirring, perfecting the craft she knew was already good enough to pass as perfect. Could she have really been telling him the truth? Severus felt a knot grow in stomach as he considered the boy who lived really might have committed a murder. That his 2 (ex?)-best friends had watched and were now sworn to secrecy.  
  
What would make Harry have done to make the sensible Hermione to not tell anyone? It must have been something horrible. Horribly horrible. He didn't want to think of it. But somewhere he felt his heart go out to the girl. Because he didn't even want to think about it. And it must have been at least that bad.  
  
But Ron? That was why Ron was gone then. Ron couldn't have been able to deal with that kind of pressure from his family. The pressure of love. The love of people who thought he was the best guy ever and would unknowingly make him want to die because of what he had done. And he was a murderer. Hermione was a murderer. But more then both of them Harry Potter was a murderer. And he Severus Snape was now as good as a murderer because he promised not to tell.  
  
What the hell was wrong with him?  
  
But Hermione wasn't a murderer. She didn't mean to be. She just said something and Harry took it from there. Ron wasn't a murderer, he just found something, and Harry took it from there. But what was keeping him from being a murderer? He knew he could tell and not be afraid of Potter as Hermione and Wealey evidently were... But Hermione.  
  
And it hit him. If he told Hermione would be killed. And as much as he would like to pretend that he liked the thought of her gone, it killed him. She was the brightest student in her class. She was friendly. She was not a murderer and if he told then he might as would be. It would be as good as saying Avada Kedavra, though it would be Potter doing the deed.  
  
And as she continue stirring the potion the world came to a dead stop. Time ceased to exist because Severus Snape came to understand what it was like to be her. And he could forgive her. To say the truth that's probably part of the reason why our smart Hermione told him in the first place. If only she had had that much time to stop and think about it. But her reason was rather not as deep.  
  
As she stood stirring the cauldron she keep the constant saying though her head. Like a prayer, a prayer that if answered would come true. Because as much as she did already tell Severus the story still had it's blank parts. And she sang the ever-present verse through her head...  
  
Don't tell him anymore, or your dead.  
  
...  
  
"Severus?" Hermione said this to him as they sat around the sort of picnic Dumbledore sent up this time. She wanted to not have to talk herself. Then she couldn't say something dumb. Or possibly quite worse then dumb. Anyhow he was being friendly and she could use that to her advantage. Maybe he would not tell if she were friendly back. Or if all went well, extremely well, they could be friends. Friends?  
  
Hermione wanted to scoff at the idea. But she also wanted to embrace it. Like he had embraced he early today. And the more she made her thoughts wander from what she actually said that morning, the more they landed exactly what was happening while she said them. And to admit she didn't like what had happened while which would only add to the list of growing lies she was telling herself. Let the list grow the, she thought.  
  
"Yes?"Severus looked at Hermione. Oh, yeah... must say something now.  
  
"Do you enjoy being a teacher?" Hermione asked he question to him. He looked to see the wonderment in her eyes. Yes well that was a good question. Considering he hates his students, it would be a question passed as to why the heck he did his job and not anything else. But teaching was totally different then the pricks he taught.  
  
"I can't really say." He looked earnest saying it too. "I hate the kids who are stupid and dumb and can't figure anything out. It depresses me to see the people who are going to bring out world down." He evidently wasn't finished speaking but Hermione couldn't stop herself. She had to ask,  
  
"Then why did you hate me?" She blushed as saying the words. It occurred to her only after saying it how incredible cocky it was. "I mean," She was now attempting to redeem herself, "not that I mean to sound like I'm the smartest person that walked the earth, and all, but..."  
  
"Oh shut up Hermione. Your going to end up owning some damned university one day." Severus said it sharply to shut the girl up. Hermione looked about to collapse from bewilderment. What did he just say? It was only the best compliment she ever herd and it had come out of a rather cross looking Professor Severus Snape. He was pissed off and complemented her, it was rather hilarious if you would have asked Hermione. "And anyhow I didn't hate you, you were just a bore."  
  
"A bore?!" She said incredulously. Severus was rather enjoying himself. The fact she was getting all worked up was rather sexy, no he meant to think funny, really. Ah don't ruin the fun, he told himself. And gathering by Hermione's gaping mouth and astonished eyes, it was rather great.  
  
"Yeah, I mean how, many damn times can you do something perfectly? Thought you would have cracked eventually, but no. 'I'm Hermione and I'm perfect.'" Hermione could see he was for once openly laughing at her. And she couldn't believe it. He just called her perfect. Not to mention mocking her in a high pitched voice_ she didn't sound like that!  
  
"I'm not perfect!" She practically shrieked. He grinned at this. Getting all riled up over a bunch of complements. If only she knew how perfect she really was. Severus momentarily thought that maybe a sweet kiss might close that mouth of hers, or maybe not. Ah, shut up your mind, he screamed mentally.  
  
"Anyhow you didn't even let me finish my speech on being a teacher before you exploded Ms Granger." Hermione could see the playful glint in his eye that made his harsh tone in talking to her a joke. And she was still under mental collapse. After all how many times did Severus Snape call someone perfect?  
  
"Well by all means continue professor." Hermione said it as calmly as she could, playing along with his little game. She tried to give her best smirk. And Severus about died when he saw it, nothing can be quite as sexy as a smirk, at least in the mind of Severus Snape.  
  
"I was going to say teaching is not all that horrible considering it is my own private anger management course."  
  
"I bet." Hermione muttered just loud enough for him to hear. He shot a look of mock dismay. "Erm." She said louder this time. "Really?" Trying to sound innocent of thinking her professor was a bit of a basterd  
  
"You wouldn't understand the fine art of teaching." Severus called over dismissively. Taking a bit of their dinner. Hermione raised her eyebrows at this.  
  
"If I was perfect then I would surly understand the uever so/u fine art of teaching. But being that I'm evidently not it really doesn't bug me." Hermione said it in her 'I'm ever so hurt!' bad acting voice. She saw Severus's inquisitive look. Honestly, he's going to think she's a really bad actress now. Now why ever should she have to 'act' for Snape?  
  
"You know it kills me to say positive things Hermione."  
  
"I know." He let out a sigh seeing the way everything worked out. He didn't mean it to sound like he was going to die if he said something nice about teaching. He meant for it to sound as if he never ever said a really kind thing to or about another human being. He thought it kind of weird how naturally it came out about Hermione being perfect. But then again she did have a talent. And that cunning work ethic.  
  
"I guess it's rather extraordinary." He said Hermione catching his serious tone. Time to calm down, she wouldn't want to seem like a hyperactive puppy in the middle of his 'confession'. Not that it was all that hard to settle down. She could hear the low baritone of his voice slowly forming the words that he probably had never said before. It was the rhythm that drew her down. And she would gladly stay down there as long as she could listen to him speak. How he enjoyed teaching... yes, he must have never said that before  
  
"I guessed that I would never get used to teaching. The annoying kids make a lot of fuss about the smallest things. I thought it would drive me insane. When I signed up for the job I only did it because I needed to remain in contact with Dumbledore. "Hermione nodded knowingly. She knew about him being a spy and was impressed at how he had to give up whatever he had wanted to become one. What would he have became? Ack, too many questions. "But there is a line you cross when you just get used to it. You just realize that they are worrying about the small stuff. If I was going to give them a detention or something dumb. And you begin to see their small actions as though it's the larger picture. You think to yourself how far that kid is going to get in accomplishing his dream of being an aurorter. Or how she is going to be so much more then some boy's girlfriend." Hermione looked up to see Severus's eyebrows knit together.  
  
"It kills me to see a perfectly smart student to go and wasn't away their life. And I guess that's why I'm so bitter with all you guys compared to the other teachers at this school. I want to know someone expects something of you. And that you can deal with it and become better because of it. I enjoy teaching when I know I did something, and I hate teaching when I see someone fail in their life, some girl become pregnant and have to barely scrap by because her ex-boyfriend is too self centered to have to deal with it. It's my job, and I try and tell myself I shouldn't worry, but I do." Severus saw Hermione bit her lip. She probably wasn't expecting that. He was expecting that either. Hell he never thought of it that way before. But it made so much sense now.  
  
"Ron failed." Hermione felt the tears she had never cried trying to surface. "He could have gone so far. He was smart and didn't need as much of my help as he used. He was just so self obsessed in being worthy of his family's attention. He was to caught up to realize we loved him if he was Ron the quidurch champion, or whether he was Ron the kid who could just make you laugh when you were having a bad day. He didn't have to run away." Hermione fought the lump in her thought barley whispering the word of her old friend.  
  
Severus softly took her hands, wanting to comfort the girl once again. He realized he was comforting her by just listening and understanding. He knew she had a soft spot for the Weasley's. In fact he had even grown rather accustomed to the filtering in of the Weasley kids through out the years. As much as he gave them grief he knew they were good people. And mostly not a pain in the ass, with the exception of Fred and George. Good parents they had.  
  
"And Harry?" He whispered it wanting to know of the other failure she was emotionally bonded to.  
  
"Harry can go to hell." She said it perfectly level, even daring to look up into Severus's eyes that were filled with a brand of shock. Quickly masked by a quick knowing nod.  
  
"Good for you Hermione." He whispered giving a small smiletowards her, and then getting to pile the dinner things up for the house elves to take away. Hermione felt glad despite herself. She felt glad for confessing to Severus. It got so much off her chest. And as she got up and moved towards the cauldron, which only needed the finishing touches till complete, she wondered if she should tell him the whole truth. He should know. 


	7. untitled seven

*A/N: wow, I'm actualy geting these things up within a week. Go me, lol! thanks for the reveiws, this chapter should clear up all the rape questions, oh and at one time did thought Severus and Hermione would kiss at this chapter, but the plot is much better then that =) if you dont understand what I mean, its ok I should get anouther chapter up at least within a week.*  
  
7  
  
Severus handed Hermione the flask. He told her she should do the honors. Hermione didn't see why, but then again how exciting could bottling the finished potion be to a potions master who must have done it a million times. So she took the ladle and carefully poured it in. It was such a finality. And Hermione felt a little saddened in spite of herself as she put the stopper on the flask. She knew she would most likely never see the potions master again like she did the last two days. She was having graduation blues a quarter of the year too early. She watched silently took out a label to write in the scrolling hand writing the name of the potion. Then they would truly be done, and she would have to run up to Gryffindor tower and go off to bed.  
  
"So, Hermione," Severus said it thinking too that it just might be one of the last times he did. And he would have to go back to being her bitter horrible teacher. But that wasn't important because that was the way things should be. That didn't explain why it bothered him though. "What do you suggest we call this potion?"  
  
"It's not named?" Hermione looked at him remembering the fact that he did create it. Then why didn't the just call it Snape-tin or something like that?  
  
"It's just the second time I ever made it. I don't see why I should have named it by now." He looked at her genuinely surprised by her reaction. He thought she would be pleased by the fact he consulted her in the matter. But instead she looked unsure. Maybe it would then be proof through out forever that she had worked with her dumb big bad potions professor. "We don't have to name it with a 'real' name you know."  
  
"Oh, you don't want it to be Professor-Snape's-ticket-to-the-big-bucks potion?" She asked seeing him roll his eyes.  
  
"Not in particular" He said as though appalled by the ideas that a potion name could be so cheesy.  
  
"Just Sevvie then?" She sent him a smirk, and he pretended to rub his temples. Severus was amazed he was playing this game with the girl. What the hell she was going to be gone in a few minuets, what's to loose?  
  
"Why do you think it's a dashing name?" He didn't even bother to look up at her. Though she could hear the thick layer of sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"Yes, all the women will want to know who this Sevvi is and how long till they can get him into bed with them." Hermione's smart remark even surprised herself.  
  
"Oh yes, and I'm the sex god"  
  
"You tell me."  
  
Hermione's heart was pounding in her chest. Severus was like wise. She just had said you tell me. At least it wasn't you show me, or I'll see. Ill see? If she had said that he probably would have fainted then and there. This situation was way out of control. He needed to get it all back on track. He didn't want to though. Was she staring at him?  
  
"Honestly Hermione!" She jumped a bit as he finally responded. Damn, that was a good daydream too. No it wasn't! She had not just pictured herself kissing him. No she pictured her molesting him. NO THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER!  
  
"Fine, Sevi-en... it's a little less suggestive."  
  
"Honestly why does my name have to be a part of it!"  
  
"Because you came up with it!"  
  
"But it could be called Moine, after the famous witch that pushed its creator over the edge."  
  
"Is that a threat?"  
  
A threat of what kind? He wanted to ask her. She was pushing him over the edge in so many different ways right now. He could just Snap her neck at her smart mouthing. Or tenderly kiss it wanting her to respond in a very hormonal driven female way. Wait what was she doing now? She had taken the label tag and scribbled something on it and was now quickly tying it on. Oh God, what had she just written? Don't let it be Snapes-way-to-get-the- ladies or he was going to kill her...  
  
"Bunna?" Severus read it uncertainly. Well it wasn't all that bad did it have some hidden meanig or something? Then he saw she was absent-mindedly stroking the stuffed bunny Dumbledore had sent down. Oh. Well he guessed he could live with that.  
  
"Yeah... is it ok?" She glanced up at his dark eyes, seeing an amused glance. He went over to pat the stuffed bunny too. She had did it to stop the yelling. She needed to get away from this room. Her mind was to... active right now.  
  
"I guess its better then some of the previous ideas." Damn, it was all done and over with now he thought to himself. "Good night, I guess, Hermione."  
  
Hermione felt her heart sink just a bit as she herd it. That might be the last time he said her name. And it was all officially over. And there was still so much unsaid. And so much she needed to say. Bu she couldn't say it. As Godric Gryffindor as her witness she couldn't.  
  
"Good night Severus. Have a good holiday tomorrow, too." She shot one last look at the study, and it occupants before exiting the door. She quickly walked up to the common room, knowing that it would take some explaining if she got caught. Head Girl or not, that stupid potion was supposed to be done by late afternoon. But she had gotten a little off track today. All the explanations and such. And she climbed in her bed seeing Lavender was gone. Probably with her Ravenclaw boyfriend. She just needed sleep now. The comfortable four poster taking her in. But still she found no sleep.  
  
Where was her Gryffindor courage? Why couldn't she just tell Severus the truth that would probably bring closure to him? Because her Gryffindor courage was taken away from her that night. Not tonight, the night they killed that man. The night Harry raped her.  
  
Hermione's mind tried to go through the night it happened in fast mode, because she knew she couldn't get out of not thinking about it now. But maybe if it went a bit faster it wouldn't be so bad...  
  
Ron had just told the lie, or the 'story', or whatever they wanted to call it. and they had to all go up to the Ministry of Magic after the 2 or so hours that was needed to check their claim on a wizard being murdered. Alone in their rooms, Ron had to go to the scene of the sight to tell the 'story' about five hundred tie to the questioning wizard investigators. It was just her and Harry. Alone in that room. She was in tears of course. Hermione didn't like the lie. She didn't like the fact they did anything at all. God, if she had a time turner, all wizarding laws be damned she would have stopped the situation before it even occurred.  
  
"I'm so sorry Hermione."She saw through her burred and red eyes Harry coming to sit by her. He held her close as she taken to crying into his chest. Harry was softly running his hand through her hair. She could faintly remember him kissing the top of her head saying that everything would work out. That they had figured out how to fix it all. That was what had erked Hermione. He made it seem like that the lie would totally erase what they did. That what had really never happened. That he had never beaten a man to death.  
  
"I'm going to tell them." She sobbed softly into his chest. She had been thinking about it and once she said it she felt as though a great burden had been released off her chest. She felt as Harry had felt when they had came up with the lie. But she noticed his hand had stopped running through her hair. They stopped cold and were now pressing hard into her neck. She instinctively yanked away.  
  
"Hermione," Harry said it in a soft deadly voice. It sounded slightly tired, she could also hear the pain. She knew the pain was fake. He was trying to put her on. Her heart rate about tripled as he let go of her and pined her down on the couch where they had just been sitting. "I've had a very long and trying day, dear." She remembered how she had made some muffled sob, it was so pathetic. And Harry quickly put a silencing charm on her. Somehow getting his wand out while still pinning her down so she couldn't move. He glanced down at her with a frown on his face.  
  
"I just want to relax with someone who understands. You know, you can help me relax," He began to move her robes apart. Hardly kissing all the skin he could find. Tearing away her bra to reach her chest. "I can help you relax too."  
  
Hermione wanted to scream, to tear him off her. But she could only watch as he frantically took off her clothes as well as her own. That was when he told her the threats. The threats of what made Hermione live like she did today. The truths in those threats that kept her from telling Severus the whole and entire truth that morning.  
  
"If you ever tell a single person" Harry's voice lowered to a low growl "I will kill you." Hermione had no doubt that he would. She nodded weakly. The tears still had been silently running down her face.  
  
"And," A smile played on his lips now "if you tell a single person associated with him, I will kill your parents. Slowly, and you will be right there. Maybe then you would understand my pain that made me do this. Only," the wicked smile showing his teeth now, glistening like Hermione's eyes "you know you will be locked up in Azkaban to relive it for all eternity."  
  
'Him' the guy Harry had killed, she could not tell the person associated with him. She knew Severus was the person who as associated with him. Mr. Snape's wife had died. He had little friends, but he did have one son. And that son was Severus.  
  
Hermione then after the kiss remembered exactly how Harry had plunged into her, not only his brutally body but his soul. He left a bit of his bitter soul with Hermione and she was afraid of how that soul affected her in her everyday life.  
  
Hermione mechanically flipped over her wet pillow to the dry side as she thought of how she never even dared to tell Lavender or Ginny. Why had she come so close she came to telling Severus? What if Harry found out what she had told Severus? It wasn't the whole truth. But she didn't think that would matter to Harry at all. The boy in the tower next to hers could be out finding a way to kill her right now, or her family, or quite possibly Severus. It didn't matter to him. He wouldn't play fair anyhow.  
  
She should tell Severus. It would make her no worse off then by that she already had told him. She was dead anyhow. She was fucked from the day it happened. She knew this. And now she fell into a long awaited sleep of overworked thoughts with the knowledge that tomorrow morning she was going to walk down to his office and tell him by whom his father had been murderer.  
  
...  
  
Severus woke up the next morning, like he had woken up most the mornings of his whole life. Nothing really in particular to look forward to. Just another day. Except there was no classes today. It was another stupid holiday. Another day the students would barley think about why there was a day off and instead just went about their lives not caring to think about how thankful they should be.  
  
Today was the birthday of the lady who saved the wizarding world just a few months ago. The birthday of the lady who brought about the 2nd fall of Voldemort. Well actually she was a vampire. Same difference, at least that's what he thought. But no the whole freaking world still had to play favorites. And it was a horrible thing to see the poor good Samaritan get little credit on saving a few hundreds of lives.  
  
It was just a few months ago when Marsha Turn had turned spy for the 'good side.' That was when Dumbledore came up with a plan. She would turn Voldemort into a Vampire and then they could get rid of him the way you would get rid of any old Vampire. So the lady gained his trust, and became his mistress and did the deed,. Following him a few of the other spies then rammed a steak through his heart. And Voldemort was gone.  
  
As easy as that. And it was not the story the wizarding public wanted to hear. They wanted their savior to be a boy who saved them when he was a baby *It was really just his mother though* and they didn't want to tell their grandchildren how they had been saved by a vampire and people they hated who were spies even though they were still working with the other side.  
  
How fricken dumb can a society be?  
  
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts though.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
Hermione shyly responded to his order. And step through the door. She had come up with so many reasons not to do this while walking down this morning. She had mechanically gotten on her school robes as she thought of how Severus might react. He could get angry. He could get brutally angry. She didn't know if that he would end up becoming abusive but she had a feeling their agreement from yesterday to not tell would probably not stand after this.  
  
But it really didn't matter she told herself. Harry was going to just kill her randomly some day because he didn't trust her anymore. And the truth should get out before then. So she stood her with there, heart in her throat.  
  
Severus looked up to see the girl. He was kind of glad it was her. Anyone else he doubted he could really have a conversation with. Dumbledore would just get him angry saying he was making assumptions about the whole world. And the stupid teachers staff wasn't worth a knut. Does Hermione look different?  
  
"You should stay sitting Severus" Hermione said walking over to him. She sat down on the rug in front of the fire looking closely at it. She had a horrible feeling of dread. She was making a death wish. She was still tired. Why couldn't this be a normal school day? She would be in transfiguration right now, bored out of her mind and all, but not bhere/b.  
  
"What's the matter?" Severus said studying her. Something was evidently wrong, her lip looked like it had been in the bitten for the last 2 hours and she was constantly running her fingers through her hair, brow creased. She was coming to him with a problem. He thought he wouldn't have seen her till their next lesson and then pretend like nothing had happened. Well actually nothing had happened, really.  
  
"Promise you won't kill me." She felt her stomach plunge as he nodded. If he said no she could have left. What would have made him say no is beyond her. She could have still hoped. Shut up, Hermione, she told herself. Just say it, the faster it comes out the sooner it will be over.  
  
"You know that story about Harry and Ron and me," Severus nodded again, he saw her momentarily look up into her eyes. She looked utterly terrified. Maybe she had lied yesterday. That would actually be a good thing. He had no Idea why she would have lied, but he certainly wouldn't kill her for it. "Well that wasn't the whole thing. I never told you whom they killed." She leaned sideways to find his hand and held it tightly. He held it tightly back, tiring to be of some help.  
  
"You don't need to tell me Hermione." Severus said it because it was already killing him knowing any of this story at all. She shrugged.  
  
"I have to tell you Severus, because the person was a man named Mr. Vandermar Snape."  
  
"Vandermar Snape?" Snape felt his whole body stiffen and release. It was more like the pure astonishment had taken it over it. "My dad?"  
  
"I supposed so." Hermione felt he lip start to bled under her bite. She watched the professor who always showed so little emotion now take what seemed to be to her an out of body experience. She was surprised when she herself took Severus and pulled him nearer to her. She found they had somehow collaboratively taken the position where his head was resting in her lap. She gently began to run her fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"I was told my father died of an attack by a muggle under the imperius curse by the dark lord. I didn't even make the connection when you told your story. I mean it was the same time, it was the same type of house, the same sceanery" Hermione looked down at the man lying on her. He was so detached. She couldn't tell any expression but the astonishment. And his low whisper told her almost nothing other then... well he didn't seem like he was going to kill her. "Why didn't I make the connection?"  
  
"Because you weren't thinking about your father... It would be a random connection, not the first thing you would think of..." Hermione tenderly whispered the words.  
  
"How could I be so fucking stupid, I should have expected this, God."  
  
"No its nothing of you fault."  
  
"Its not your fault either Hermione." She looked down to see tears glaze eyes and she felt her own begin to immerse. She brought her finger down to his lips in a way to imply him to be quite. She had no idea why he was sticking up for her.  
  
"Yes it is." She tried to quickly wipe her tears away, before they began to fall.  
  
"No" His own detached voice seemed to clear and more adult then her own wavering tearful one. it was not her father who had not been killed, she was not lying helplessly on the one who had taken part in his murder.  
  
"I'll understand if you will tell the ministry." She shushed him as he opened his mouth to say something "I'm going to be killed anyhow."  
  
"Hermione, no." She found his hand again and began to clasp it like it was her only route of escape.  
  
"Severus,"  
  
"No, let me tell you something about my dad..." She nodded as he griped her hand back "He was a good person. I hated him most of my life."Hermione saw a pain flicker in Severus's eyes as he said, this she was kind of glad his firm composure was softening. Oh course this was more then she could ever hoped for considering she thought he would have immediately killed her the moment she opened her mouth. She saw him finally find words. Severus swallowing. "But that was the type of hate a son goes through with his father, its sometimes necessary. Ill tell you my dad was a good hard working guy, but he really didn't see the world but in colors of black and white. But I didn't agree with him on this. It was our constant battleground. Who was good and who was evil? What was right and wrong? And Hermione I'm sad to say he would defiantly think you were evil."  
  
Hermione ran her index finger down his temple. She was surprised by the small shiver he gave. Closing his eyes. She was astounded as he continued talking his eyes still closed as if embracing her touch...  
  
"But I don't think your evil Hermione. I think you have been put in a situation where there is no good decision. It's not your fault. But since you did tell me that says a lot. Like you do care."  
  
His voice faltered there and she watched his Adams apple bob. If only he knew how much she cared. She found herself murmuring softly and Severus sat there in so much pain. He had suffered so much already it tore her up. And he was so forgiving. Maybe he wanted to be forgiven. She was surprised to see he had gotten up and was now pulling her into a hug. She finally listened to her own unconscious murmurings.  
  
'Let me take all the pain away... let me take it all away.'  
  
She was whispering it into his ear now as he held her close. Severus didn't understand. His own body had been so tight and ridge forty seconds ago, but it seemed as though she was bring him to come to terms with himself.  
  
"I liked the old basterd"She pulled him close as she felt a single tear fall onto her. She couldn't help but feel pained herself.  
  
"He did too Severus." She said it remembering the old man's last words. It was to send good words to his son.  
  
"Thank you Hermione" He whispered into her ear. Though she wondered if it was really right that he was thanking her, she didn't say it though. She could just shut up now.  
  
...  
  
After they had gotten up Severus said it would be rather rude to end her strait up to her rooms, and quickly brewed up some tea. Hermione accepted thinking that it would be rude to leave the guy here all alone. So they talked of the holiday and how people really should be more open minded towards magic that is other then witch and wizard types.  
  
"But you were really one of the people who drove the steak through Voldemort?" Hermione asked astounded by the acts of her professor to say the least.  
  
"Yeah. It wasn't really as that impressive, we got him while he was sleeping and one of the spies was on guard."  
  
"But didn't you get some sort of award for it?" He was rather happy that someone found all this was impressive. Nobody else really thought about it. After all, it was just his duty.  
  
"Order of Merlin 2nd class." Severus said it off handedly like it didn't matter. Hermione thought quite the contrast it was a huge deal. The order of Merlin wasn't given out to everyone. Unless if their trying to help grieving relatives. But that was a totally different story.  
  
"I couldn't see it, could I?" Severus couldn't help but smirk at the girl's interest. It was like he was a stranger with really good candy. He quickly hoped off the desk that they had been sitting on and shuffled through one of the drawers.  
  
"Here." He handed it to her, getting back on the desk. She was concentrating hard on it. He hated to admit it but he felt very young at the moment. He was surprised when bursts like this came. Some days he just felt like he needed to go on a jog around the castle, of course that wouldn't do at all, but it was all very nice. He wondered if Hermione had noticed a different when he took the potion a while ago...  
  
He was up at Dumbledore's office, the place felt like it was crawling with viruses with Dumbledore's nasty habit of leaving tissues in random places. But none the less he was still lecturing Severus.  
  
"My gosh boy, you could have killed yourself! Why did you try it on yourself?" Dumbledore was pacing around the room fawns trying to follow him though looked to be rather dizzy with the way Dumbledore was taking things.  
  
"Well I couldn't just give it to the most respected wizard in the castle," Severus began  
  
"Severus don't doubt the respect you get from those young people, you could get them to become house elves long before I could even convince them I wasn't joking."Severus rolled his eyes at the man.  
  
"Anyhow, I'm fine." Severus said reaching for a tissue to blow his nose on.  
  
"Except your 20 and you got a rather nasty cold just like the rest of the castle." Severus could see the glint in the old man's eyes "Oh and I really do expect you start acting your age soon Severus."  
  
"Oh yes, I'll just be sneaking girls into the castle and going on all night drinking binges, yes that is sure what I did when I was twenty." His voice was filled with the brim to the sarcasm that Dumbledore knew as the man's way of showing his fear. Well the young man's way now.  
  
"Don't you tell that you didn't find time between becoming potions master, joining the dark side, and being a spy, not to mention the None." Severus let out a scoff as he saw the man finally sit down across from him at the desk. "Anyhow I think this is an opportune time to restart on your dental health." The headmaster received a well-deserved glare from Severus  
  
"Oh yes, it was really my fault I was stuck out in the woods all the time with no way in hell of getting 1 good meal a day, but Voldemort did provide us with all our dental needs."  
  
"I didn't say it was your fault, but you can start over. And stop wearing that damned mousse." Severus couldn't take it anymore he was getting beauty tips from a man that could be his great grandfather. He lifted up his hands and left the room flabbergasted at his current state of affairs.  
  
...Of course he did brush his teeth and he did get rid of the hair product. But he did not listen to Dumbledore. He did it on his own accord. Anyhow, it made it so the students thought his change in appearance was just do to lack of hair product and not some age reduction. He looked over at Hermione who randomly shrieked with delight.  
  
"It does look like Lockhart with a huge mole if you hold it this way!" Severus grabbed the metal looking at it as Hermione had shown.  
  
"Well I'll be damned" He muttered Hermione looking over to him seeing the smile escaping form his lips. She didn't know what had happened this morning but it had went a hell of a lot better then she thought. And that's all one can ask for, right? 


	8. untitled eight

*A/N: took a bit of time to update, but about 20 days left of school and then I can really get writing without having to worry about grades and annoying stuff like that. Thanks for all the reviews, maybe I'll pass the 50 mark after this chapter. it feels kind of like an 'I'm in between two chapters so they make sense chapter' because I know you love it all to make sense, happy Memorial Day everyone!*  
  
8  
  
Hermione was sitting in the library writing down the steps for the shrinking charm which she thought might be the exam... step 6. What was that step? There was a step between circling the object with her wand and then flicking. Wow, she would have to go study that.  
  
Hermione had left Severus's study that morning with a odd feeling. She wasn't quite sure if it was right. But she thought she had just became friends with professor Snape. Severus, she corrected herself, flipping open her charms book to the index. She hadn't known what to do after leaving so she just headed up to the library, exams were coming and it was the last quarter of her Hogwarts education.  
  
Hermione racing through these thoughts suddenly fell onto the fact of how normal they all were. The normal Hermione thoughts that she knew she would be having right about now, about exams and such. It was a bit odd how completely normal things were. She had just admitted to killing Mr. Snape to Professor Snape, and she was worrying about exams. How could she even do this? 'Honestly, Hermione stop thinking and start studying.' She told herself, and drowned herself in the best drug she knew, her work. Somehow it just made it all go away.  
  
Ginny walked into the library right about then, seeing Hermione she made a blatant rush over and sat down. Evidently pleased with herself for being the first one to find the girl. How could have Lavender not seen her this morning? Hermione was ALWAYS in the library. Ginny let out a soft sigh to see the three books opened in front of the girl her quill moving along adding to random notes that Hermione was always taking.  
  
"Hermione, its a holiday!" Ginny moaned out as she caught how the girl was paying little if any attention to her. Hermione the studying machine, Ginny couldn't help thinking. At least her brief encounter with the deathly Snape hadn't knocked her too far off her rocker. If she was still studding everything was still right in the Hermione section of the world.  
  
"A day to catch up." Was Hermione's quick and blunt answer. Ginny shook her head. If madam Pince weren't right there she would get up and strangle the girl. She settled for kicking her.  
  
"Ow!" Hermione yelped in her library whisper"What the frick was that for Ginny?"She was just getting to write down the affects of the charm if step six was not done, the all-important swish. Hermione quickly scribbled the rule down on the right side of the parchment... Flick before Swish except after D.I.S.H. or ... or what? She had that incandescent muggle rule memorized but the one she was after she couldn't remember. Hermione flipped open a forth book to look for it.  
  
"You need to take a break Hermione!" Ginny nagged under her breath. She was pretty sure Hermione was in her coma study state but she still had to drag her out of it. Neville was starting to fret that Snape had taken her down and sacrificed her to the potions gods that Neville swore Snape idolized. When Neville got to fretting he got a bit mental, and things start to fall apart when mental, and then when he fell apart, things broke, lots of things...  
  
"Breaks are for wimps."Hermione replied. Ah yes here it was, Flick before Swish except after D.I.S.H. or on and endless day in the month of May. Yes how could she not remember that? Wait what did D.I.S.H. stand for? Hermione quickly flipped her Charms dictionary.  
  
"Your trying to forget that greasy git by studying aren't you?" Ginny said trying to reveal Hermione's inner-workings for this sudden out burst. Okay, so it wasn't so sudden considering Hermione did it four times a week, but it was a bit of an unexpected outburst. I mean normally she could see it in her eyes five minutes before the study session happened.  
  
"Come on Ginny you know he's not Greasy anymore." Hermione stopped her mind for a few seconds... did she just involuntarily defend Severus? She was supposed to be subtle about all this. Dang it, iokay, just redeem yourself Hermione now/i "I mean that's what was so weird about him, you know, in the middle of last year, he dumped that horrid oil hair junk..." That and he became 20 years old, Hermione now saw how the whole thing made sense, the school all knew he looked somewhat different but blamed it all on the change of hair style, that and his evident new found dental plan... D-one I-n S-pherical H-overing  
  
"Speaking of hair junk, Hermione, Lavender found this wonderful new charm in a magazine that will supposedly make you hair look to have glitter in it. We tested it on Neville first so not to ruin ourselves and... Well we need you help." Hermione sharply looked up to see Ginny was biting half her lip. Followed by Hermione quickly closing all her books and jamming them into her bad  
  
"Oh for god's sake Ginny, the poor boy, what happened?" Hermione said taking the one remaining book up to madam Pince to checkout.  
  
"His hair turned to like all shiny... what did they call them in Muggle Studies... an aluminum foil Christmas pine?" Ginny said hurriedly following Hermione's frantic rush.  
  
"Oh my god, you turned Neville hair into a horrible aluminum Christmas tree?" Hermione looked seriously don at the girl, as she nodded.  
  
"Actually it was Lavender."  
  
...  
  
Severus was left in his rooms to his own workings after Hermione said she should leave so Madam Pince wouldn't be worrying. And he was fine with that. But here he was, all alone in his study, It just didn't seem right after the weekend he had. Oh yeah, and his dad was murdered by a dumb thoughtless, superstar, head-in-the-clouds, piece of crap, lying, boy named Harry potter. Now he was sure he could come up with more insults then that.  
  
Severus walked absent mindedly through his study till he walked into the classroom. He grabbed a piece of calk and tried to think of something to write. He felt like hearing the angry squeal of the chalk against the board.  
  
Bunna: The De-Ageing Potion  
Presented by Professor Severus Snape  
  
He looked up at it. His scrolling writing looked ten times as strange writing 'Bunna' the Hermione's rushed scribbles. Bunna, he named a possible ground breaking potion that would be made illegally by many of vain people 'Bunna'. Wasn't there a pornographic muggle thing that used bunnies for their logo? He choose not to think about it.  
  
What might his father say if he knew that his son had made a groundbreaking potion? Probably something along the lines of that he did something worth his while for once. No, Severus lectured himself, Your getting yourself depressed. Just be quite and write the way you found the Potion in the first place. Severus twirled the calk in thought.  
  
His Father and him were not always the best of a pair. Everything had been okay when Severus's mom was alive. She would spoil both the boys in her life as well as keep them from each other. Quite frankly when she died the whole household collapsed. Thank gods there was Hogwarts during the school year, but the summers were still open to him and his dad's bickering.  
  
Severus's mom used to say they were so alike that they were liable to kill each other. Both hot-tempered and unable to back down. And when she left not only did they have to figure out how to deal with the house elves, but they had to figure out how to live with only one another...  
  
"Dad?" A slightly younger Severus called out. He was about 15 and was anxiously getting ready for the Hogwarts trip latter that day. No more dinners with dad, he would be with his classmates. His dad could go ask to eat with his bachelor friends at the bar. It mad Severus feel a bit angry. His dad wasn't a bachelor, he was widower, he shouldn't be hitting on anything, let alone the sluts he had brought home when the elves had just served dinner. But that was last night, not now. Right now he was going to Hogwarts.  
  
"What?" Was the harsh reply three doors over, Severus charged in. This was where he learned his power stride that made all the students quiver nowadays. It was his defense to show his dad up. He didn't need the harshness out of him on a daily basis for doing nothing. The fact that he was constantly harsh in return was beside the point.  
  
"I need some money for new texts." Severus said it like his father didn't have a choose,  
  
"Use your own money." The elder Snape snarled. Severus felt his fist clench, he earned that money by making a potion for the old lady down the street! And, he had been drawn into a long boring conversation with her when he delivered it, resulting in having to deal with the annoying little dogs and her old stories for 3 hours. He earned that money, why should he have to spend it on a book that the other kids had easily given to them with new pet owls and candy money to spare?!  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I already bought you new robes." Oh Severus saw how it was, Since for once Severus's robes fit probably he didn't need books for a school.  
  
"Honestly, I'll just fail Muggle Studies then!" Severus saw his dad cringe at the word muggle. His dad hated muggles and saw no point learning about them. This was half the reason he took the class. Just to piss him off.  
  
"You don't need to take that imprudent class anyhow!" Oh, imprudent, what a large word dad! Severus sniped back in his mind. I bet you feel so damned smart now, You didn't need no Muggle Studies to know large words like imprudent so you could yell at your son for trying to pass a class.  
  
"Honestly dad, just because you hate muggles..." Ah, another nerve struck as he saw the fierce look on his dad face become accompanied by the vain popping out of his neck. Severus was full out smirking now, which of course only made his dad angrier.  
  
"I don't hate muggles they just annoy me."  
  
iI bet/i  
  
"Anyhow I need another credit and I can't stand Divination." Ah, a valid non-angry response was drawled out of Severus's mouth. He knew he was winning this fight. It was a beautiful thing.  
  
"Fine" Severus's dad threw a couple sickles at him. Severus quickly scampered away going to the flew powder so he quickly run to Dragon Ally before leaving...  
  
"Thinking Severus?" Severus looked up startled to see Dumbledore had let himself into the room. He quickly turned and pretended to be busy at work. The old man would be nosey if he didn't think it had to do with work. One thing about Snape's 'boss' was that he didn't care what you did at work but at what was happening outside of it. It was a surprise the man got anything done.  
  
"Sort of."He left the word as if to say, don't ask or I'll attack, fiercely. He heard the old man chuckle behind him "What?" Severus asked angrily turning towards the man  
  
"Oh, Bunna what an interesting potion name." Dumbledore pointed up to the words pointed at the board.  
  
"Herm- Ms. Granger came up with it." Severus replied rolling the calk in his palm looking up at the headmaster, a sort of dare to say if Dumbledore wanted more info he would have to do better then that.  
  
"Honestly Severus, when you tortured the girl that much your allowed to call her by her first name, speaking of which, isn't this presentation going to be by the both of you?" Dumbledore said referring to the other thing written at the top of the board.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Severus said the words quietly giving the headmaster a sort of baffled look  
  
"Well, considering she knows how to make the potion we shouldn't burden the ministry of advisors with an longer in\increment of time filled with you drowning on, when we can give them an enjoyable spirited young lady to listen to." Severus saw the playful glint in the professor's eyes. He in return scoffed.  
  
"I very much doubt that Ms. Granger would want to miss classes after Easter Break considering the N.E.W.T.s are getting closer. She won't want to take a weekend off to give a speech to the twits at the ministry." It was the truth though, Severus thought. She was hyperventilating about the N.E.W.T.s since right after the O.W.L.s not that he noticed.  
  
"Oh Severus I think if you just might ask *nicely* then she just might consider it. I myself am pretty sure the girl can already be the best of her class with out even trying." Severus sighed; it might be slightly better then approaching the ministry alone.  
  
"Oh and I suppose Ill just slip a note into the girls Easter basket next week..."Severus said the comment rather sarcastically but from glancing at Dumbledore it could be told the old man was rather taken to the idea.  
  
"I couldn't have thought of a better way Severus." Severus wanted to go purge at the sight of the sickenly large smile "Speaking of which, we should discuss Easter matters Severus.  
  
...  
  
Hermione sat happily on Neville bed looking very smug when the boy had retuned from the lavatory beaming at his hair. When she had entered the room it was a terrible mess, but she was rather taken to how correctly Ginny had described the mess, it really did look like a pink aluminum Christmas tree.  
  
"Oh wow, Hermione! I've never been so happy to see this stupid hair." Neville called out to her. Lavender laughed sheepishly.  
  
"Sorry Neville, who knew that magic hair jell gunk in your hair would counter react." Lavender stated, Hermione shook her head  
  
"Honestly its in a the little yellow warning box in bold letters, Lavender!" Hermione said holding up the magazine  
  
"You're actually supposed to read those things?" Ginny said laughing at the look of pure astonishment on Hermione's face. Hermione couldn't believe them all.  
  
"Well Hermione reads everything" Said Neville said trying to usher them all out of the room. Hermione glared at the boy. How could he! She just fixed him from the embarrassment of having to explain to Madam Pomfrey why he was using a hair glittering spell out of a girls 'Miss Wizard' magazine in the first place. Which of course would be followed by Lavender and Ginny saying the color of the glitter in you hair resembled the type of person, Neville being a pink, mean 'carefree and fun'. Now that would probably end up leading the conversation someplace else/  
  
"Id watch it if I were you boy." Hermione threatened as she saw Neville squirm. He wouldn't squirm because of her playful teasing normally. Oh wait someone was coming... shit she was in the boy's 7th year dormitory and it was most defiantly Harry Potter's voice coming up the stairs. Ick, She had to disappear. Hermione glanced around the room, looking desperately for someplace to hide.  
  
"Hermione, Lavender get under the bed!" Came Ginny's urgent whisper as the girls instinctively responded to her quick thinking as they hear her pull Neville away from the door, fall onto the bed and start making out with him. Hermione smiled over to Lavender who mouthed 'she just wanted him to herself.'  
  
Hermione thought how comical this all was, last year she would have never considered herself to ever be in this position, sharing secret jokes with Lavender while hiding form Harry, with Ginny and Neville Doing something completely different on the bed above her. Well the Ginny and Neville thing wasn't all that weird considering she knew of all of Ginny's crushes since she knew the girl. But their all friendships had never been that strong since this 7th year.  
  
Ginny and Hermione were always friends. It was just how the only girl in the Weasley house attracted to the only girl in the close circle of friends Ron had. But once the 'Event' happened on the Weasleys' vacation last year, Hermione avoided Ron and Harry, even though they were still all on the vacation together...  
  
"Hermione what's wrong?" Ginny had fled to Hermione's side after Hermione had entered their shared room at the cottage they were all staring at. Hermione looked a mess, her face tear stricken, her hair ruffled every which way, And her clothes looked to be scrubbed to get rid up blood? Hermione gave a quick sob and Ginny came and sat next to Hermione on her bed. Hermione could only let out one pathetic sob.  
  
"Harry." Hermione remembered how she had finally escaped from the boy after Harry was done getting off on her and shortly after she managed to get dressed and they went to see Ron, She had kept he mouth shut because Harry was always there, and she knew if she said anything it wouldn't be nice. So she just played along at the totally mercy of the now criminally insane Harry potter.  
  
"What did he do?" Hermione snapped out of her head up to Ginny who was still sitting there looking concerned  
  
"He," What did he do? He raped her, he threatened her, he made her want to go crawl into a nice dark corner and die... "He," used me, abused me, took her virginity and dismissed as a favor to her... "He, was a basterd horny guy that needs to go crawl in a hole and die." She said weakly, oh great, that came out perfect, a combination of everything she had already thought of.  
  
"What? You mean he did something sexual to you." Ginny's eyebrows were screwed as she saw the faint nod of Hermione. Hermione pulled her head down into the pillow managing to gasp out "don't tell" as she just figured out she did tell Ginny and she was fucked now. Harry was bound to find out.  
  
"Oh, wow." Ginny's voice was soft and unsure, Hermione felt her hand placed on her shoulder. "Even though you and Ron?" Hermione nodded "and you not going to tell?" Hermione nodded more frantically this time. "Wow."...  
  
...And after that her and Ginny just hung out more, well considering she was not really tied up with Harry anymore. And then there was Ron. Right about at that time Ron spaced off and said he was going to visit Charlie. That he needed to get away from the stuff he had witnessed. And after that he disappeared off the face of the wizarding world.  
  
Hermione came out of her thought train as she heard Harry and Lee leave the room making sounds of disgust at Ginny and Neville making out on the bed. She heard Ginny mutter something about wishing those boys would leave and the indistinct voice of Lee saying something along the lines of how he and Harry would just get their quiditch stuff and be out. Hermione glanced over to Lavender who rolled her eyes at the boy.  
  
Parvati was going out with Lee. If he could ever find her that is. Lavender and Parvati used to be inseparately until they had a fight the first week of school. She remembered how Lavender had emotionally ran into the room swearing about some "fuck bitch ass, teachers pet."  
  
"What!" Hermione yelled indignantly at Lavender  
  
"Oh." Was lavenders reply "not you."  
  
Oh wow, she wasn't the teachers pet for once. It was kind of a reassuring feeling. Over the next few days she had got the story out of Lavender, who said Parvati was moving up to one of Professor Trelawney's room so she can become a true divination master. Lavender was offended not only of her move but of the way Parvati said she was evidently better at the subject because Trelawney had invited her not Lavender. Of course that pissed Lavender off.  
  
And so as she heard Harry and Lee walk down the stairs. Hermione and Lavender rolled out of hiding, pulled Neville and Ginny apart and headed to the girls dormitories where it was safe away from ex-best friends boyfriends, and ex-best friends. And everything was okay in the Hermione world. And Hermione had a sneaking suspicion that was to end rather soon. 


	9. untitled nine

*A/N: something horrible has happened, one of my friends snuck up and stole my folder where all the rough drafts of the chapters were and read this chapter. Yes, I did about die. People I know aren't supposed to read this! So if you happen to know me please for the love of go walk away! ^_^ Yes I was horribly embarrassed. Hmm, studying for exams and such are taking up time so this chapter took a bit of time to put up, sorry! Thanks to all my reviewers and I supposed I would just shout out to Potions Mistress my 50th reviewer. Oh and its not that I hate Harry or Ron, its just I love it when good characters go bad XP*  
  
9  
  
He looked down at the girl, her body moving with each small breath in her sleep. He watched her lie there dreaming a dreamless sleep knowing she was too far asleep to even notice him there. Gods, she was beautiful. Her brunette hair spread across the pillow, her face silent and peaceful. He transfigured silently next to her bed. His 8 legs slowly molding back into the original 2 arms and 2 legs, and his hair growing back into its unkempt mop. He smiled a sad smile, for she was still asleep.  
  
He wanted to hold her so badly, just feel her lay happily in in his arms. He would apologize for himself. Of course secretly saying that next time it would be so much pleasurable for the both of them. And he would say how strong she was. How she needed not anyone else in the world but him, and he needed no one but her. Then they could go off together and forget all the past events that had torn them apart.  
  
Harry Potter leaned over and placed a small tender kiss upon Hermione's lip brushing his hand over her temple. Giving a smile at the thought of maybe she enjoyed that, in her heart of hearts. Her heart he knew in which she loved him. Harry transformed back into his spider form and walked out of the room recalling her, not to mention hoping Lee hadn't noticed he was gone. But then again Lee had never noticed before.  
  
Harry had been secretly visiting his love since the school year had started. That's what she was, his love. And as far as he was concerned she was destined to have him, no matter how long she denied it. Just like she had denied the fact she hadn't loved the first time he had told her he loved her, in a way that a brother can never love a sister. He knew she liked the night when Ron was gone, the night he showed her how much he loved her. He thought of how many times he heard of bondage stories. And how the ladies loved them. And Hermione was just putting on an act, pretending that she didn't.  
  
Harry finally came up to the boy's 7th year dormitory and transformed back falling into his bed. He surveyed the room. Semus was out tonight with his girl friend. Neville was sleeping like the good boy he was. Lee was asleep having some sort of nightmare by the sound of it.... And then there was the empty bed, Ron's old bed.  
  
Harry inwardly chuckled at how disturbed Ron had been when Harry said Sirius had taught him how to become an animgus. Oh and that Harry had chosen to become a spider. Ron was such a sissy sometimes. Hermione needed a bigger man then that. Harry could be her bigger man. So when Ron ran away he thought that he could finally get his chance. Now all he had to do was wait. She would give in eventually. He would make her see that. Harry stopped his thoughts at this and drifted into a sleep. With only the sadistic smile on his face.  
  
...  
  
Severus was growing more anxious as the days went on. Easter break had started and the students had thinned out, therefore he was beginning to feel as though he hadn't yelled at a kid in ages. Neville, evidentially, had gone to his aunt's. All the better, the less the students the less the possibility anyone would find out about the fact that a certain professor was going to be the Easter bunny for Hogwarts... unless if Hermione told. She better not tell. He knew she couldn't actually, if she told he could tell. Severus remembered how she had found out the Easter bunny thing in the first place...  
  
"Write this down," Severus had called across to her. They were working after dinner on the Saturday. Hermione looked at the sheet of parchment. So far only he had done the writing. But he had his hands full right now. "Use birch roots not bark. Or otherwise those cheapskates at the ministry will destroy the potion and try and say I was trying to kill them. A complete idiots..." He was rambling wasn't he? Ah. Well, what what was she doing? Looking at a piece of parchment sitting besides the notes. He heard a faint squeak of laughter. "Hermione, did you write it down?" He gave a glare but she wasn't looking at him.  
  
"Oh, yes, of course," She choked up the words, she had a lot of nerve that girl. Stupid Gryffindor nerve. Which of course must have been why the next few out of her mouth were so blatantly stupid, no stupid wouldn't be the 'correct' Gryffindor term for it. It would have been counted courageous, i though we all know that means secretly dumb /i Severus couldn't help but thinking. "I have it all written down right here, next to the well wishes for the Easter bunny."  
  
He could see Hermione bit her lip though smiling. Stupid girl, why did she have to be so damned sneaky. Not like he didn't leave it out in plan sight. But, that was only because she wasn't supposed to be focusing on anything other then teh work. And she wasn't supposed to have enough nerve even if she did see it to mention she saw it. At least to him! Severus didn't know how to react to a student who was not terribly afraid of him. It just had never came up before. Except with Voldemort, and Dumbledore, but they were not students. Just act cool Severus, if you freak she will know...  
  
"What are you talking about Hermione?"He said it with such venom he could see Hermione straiten up a bit, but she evidently not totally defrayed from her original intent.  
  
"Oh, not much, just the fact Dumbledore is evidently mistaken in thinking that you, Professor, is going to be the Easter bunny." Hermione held up the note that Severus had read earlier. Why had he taken it out of his pocket... wait did it even say he was the Easter bunny on it? He was relatively sure it didn't. OK you can still play dumb Severus, he told himself.  
  
"I still haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about." He swore he saw Hermione roll her eyes. She best not get smart with him. If she had no evidence then he was in the clear. And what would he do to punish her? Like giving her a detention would be that effective now. The punishment for Hermione was left to be not thought though because she didn't need one reading the subject of the note written on the top of it.  
  
"To Severus" Hermione said clearly, but still taking the time to clear her throat before continuing "Regarding Easter bunny issues." Severus couldn't believe he hadn't seen that... he silenced her before she could continue. He knew the rest of the note. Ack, now it was no use pretending it was not him.  
  
"Do you have a problem with that Hermione?" He raised a questioning eyebrow at the girl who set the note carefully down.  
  
"No, not at all Severus. It just seems that you the type of guy who might jump at the opportunity to be the Easter bunny." He had to agree with her on this. The fact was that he had slowly backed away from the opportunity, his error though might be said that he did not keep close eye contact with the opportunity before he was fully out of its reach. And it had attacked him a bit off guard. He was a bit overanalyzing the situation wasn't he?  
  
"Yes well the headmaster does have his ways." Severus managed to grumble back to Hermione.  
  
"So let me get this straight, you will some how dress up," Hermione started off clearly on a rampage to push Snape over the edge, at least that was what his mind was telling him.  
  
"Transfigured actually." Severus cut in, thinking of Hermione considering him in a bunny costume, some how was a bit disturbing.  
  
"Ok, transfigured into a bunny and hop all over the school, delivering sweets and brightly colored eggs to the student body?" Hermione finished and Severus let out a long sigh.  
  
"Maybe." he said it grudgingly. Hermione sat trying to hold down a snigger. Severus shook his head, glad his hair fell into his face to cover up the fact he was smiling too. The stupidity of the entire situation actually pretty funny now that he stopped to think about it.  
  
"Have you not come to terms with it yet?" Hermione said her voice evidently showing her amusement. Severus pulled his wits together to mumble back in his normal angry way, though he was pretty sure Hermione had already seen him smiling. Damn.  
  
"Perhaps it's best if we not bring this up again." She nodded and they had gotten back to work, Hermione finally scribbling down the instructions he had told her but a minute ago to do.  
  
Perhaps that was way Severus felt rather apprehensive about not following his own advice in bringing it up again. So as hopped away from the basket he knew Hermione might make a bit of a terrible giggling ruckus when she read the note he had left in her basket. Just thinking of him like this was worth the price of some sort of admission price. Damn that Dumbledore.  
  
...  
  
bHermione,  
  
Need to see you about the potion.  
  
The fricken Easter bunny/b  
  
Now if you were Hermione you would have bust out laughing. Lavender was prancing around on a sugar high and you just got a letter from the 'Fricken Easter bunny.' But Hermione had more control then that, she knew that Lavender would want to know why she was laughing. And that she would also be thinking many of thought such as... ISee Severus again? He wouldn't be reconsidering withdrawing his statement of not telling anyone now would he? Oh god please don' or maybe..." And right about then she would violently tell her mind to stop and that she needn't not think about any professor in a 'wee bit more then friendly' way.  
  
Okay, so she burst out laughing.  
  
But actually it was easier that way, because right at that moment Ginny and Neville walked in. Neville looking slightly disgruntled in his pink rabbit ear headband. It was better that way because Hermione didn't have that much time to worry about seeing Severus. What he will do, say, what she will wear? Though I'm sure the anticipation was just killing her. Just like that spider sitting on the windowsill was killing her. Its glare boring into her. It wsa right then that she saw him out of the corner of her eye.  
  
Harry Potter, in his animigus form. She involuntary shuddered. She knew he had watched her from time to time, keeping a tab on her. It scared the hell out of her. She quickly shoved the note into her robe pocket seeing that Ginny was approaching with some more of her insane bunny headband things.  
  
"Ravishing" Ginny giggled after setting the headband on Hermione's head. She laughed in return. Hermione forced her mind away from the spider. Unfortunately it fell straight back onto the potions master. She could show Severus the headband and see what he thought. If he thought ravishing she didn't know what she would do. Her brain fluttered t other thought of Severus muttering that she looked ravishing and how she would blush so bad. But of course the world would implode if that happened anyhow because he would never do such a thing as that.  
  
"Lavender?" Hermione glanced down at her own basket. Her senses were telling her Harry had left while she was day dreaming. That was definitely a good thing. The fact that he was watching her creeped her out to no degree. She had always told herself not to think about it. Not to think about the fact that the kid who raped her and threatened to kill her family kept such a close eye on her. He was disgusting.  
  
"Hmm?" Lavender turned to Hermione bouncing from the pile of sugar she just dumped into her mouth.  
  
"Don't, eat all my sweets, I got to go." Hermione chirped it out trying to sound all happy and that no one should question the fact that she was going to be going someplace away from them, her friends, for Easter morning. She felt bad about it. She shouldn't leave her friends on Easter morning. But then again she got to see them any day. Plus she had an excuse to go see Severus. Didn't she already establish that he was her friend anyhow? So what was all this guit for?  
  
"Where? I mean what, you don't want to leave us, do you?!" Lavender gave her some big pleading eyes. Hermione shrugged, then catching the fact that her face had gone down a bit, she forced a smile on. Of course it was right then she noticed right about then that Harry was standing on her bedside table. Hell, she needed to get out of here now.  
  
"Oh, no, you know I love hanging out with you all but I need to get some work done."  
  
"ITS EASTER!" Neville said outraged as Hermione dashed towards the door. She felt really bad now. She hated to leave her friends, but she wanted to get away from Harry so bad. She could feel his stare. He probably caught on that she knew he was there. Oh gods;  
  
"And she's Hermione." Hermione head Lavender reply to Neville. Some one pulling her back now, her arm, was being dragged in the opposite direction. If it were Harry she would just die. She knew it was him. He would know that she was helpless right now by the way she had run. Hell she was still in her night robes. It would be rather difficult explaining that to Severus. But so would this encounter. She had a mental image of herself crying into his arms telling him all the details of that wretched boy. Hermione brought her gaze up to Harry, lip bit, and slightly whimpering.  
  
"Hermione, now I know something is wrong." She was looking into that concerned gaze of Ginny. Hermione let out a small sigh at her friend's worried expression, though Goosebumps spreading across her because of the relief of it not being him. She looked at Ginny who was carrying Hermione robes, the reason why she had stopped her. "I'm not giving them to you till you tell me."  
  
Ginny knew Hermione's thought process, she was looking at the robes, so therefore she wanted the robes and then would walk away. No, Ginny had to know what was going on. Hermione had just whimpered. There was something seriously wrong. Ginny was going to find out. She had to. Or else her friend was going to keep it all to herself. Of course if Ginny knew that Hermione wanted to just run to Professor Snape and tell him what she was terrified of, Ginny wouldn't have known what to do.  
  
"Harry is a spider animugus." Hermione breathed up to her friends, wary to say anything in the stairwell, they echoed, and Harry was going to be coming down this way soon. She watched Ginny's eyes widen in response. Hermione nodded taking the robes out of Ginny's now unminded hands and continued dashing down the stairs until she reached her head girl's bathroom.  
  
Ginny walked silently up the stairs. Still processing Hermione's words, Harry had been watching them. Or more precisely he had been watching Hermione. Ginny was afraid for Hermione. Why had Hermione never told her this before? That person could have been around them so many times. It was scary. What the heck was his problem? Why had he done such a horrible thing to Hermione?  
  
It was Hermione's thought, as she knocked on the potions' door that Ginny would never have to sit through the story she had told Severus. The one that told why Harry had done such a horrible thing to Hermione. She was pretty sure that if Ginny's expectations of Ron had already been dashed in him running away, then hearing how he assisted in killing a person would not bring him greater tidings.  
  
"Come in." came the bark from within the door as Hermione walked out of the cold room, telling herself to leave her thoughts behind. As much as she didn't want to tell Ginny of Harry killing a man she didn't want to tell Severus of Harry raping her. She was happy enough just seeing him look up at her, the lips on his mouth turning up just so much that Hermione could see it.  
  
"Hermione, I didn't expect you to come right down..." Severus was happy she was there, 2 minuets ago he was reading a potions magazine that he had already read twice and being rather bored. His thoughts might have been occasionally drifting up to think of Hermione. She was running through his thought process, but then again he didn't see to many people that much, and Hermione had been around him a lot. That must be why he was thinking of her a lot these days. And now she was finally here. No, not finally, he hadn't wanted to see her for that long. Only since the last time they talked. No, Severus screamed to his mind, he had not been wanting to talk to her, just... ah! Severus gave up.  
  
"Oh, yeah, well every one was hyper up at the tower and I figured it wouldn't be that way down here." Hermione smiled at him, he was getting up and walking towards her holding a little necklace. Wait, he was giving her jewelry? Oh, Hermione felt her brain scream 'he likes you' when trying to listen to his words, the fact that he was instructing her to lift her hair so he could put it on her was not helping the lest bit at all.  
  
"Its a portkey, when the ministry wants us they will activate it." Severus slid it around her neck Hermione feeling his touch barely fall on the back of her neck but it was so nice. She should shut up now though. It was a portkey, not all that special. Which lead to another question, why did the ministry want them?  
  
"Why do they want me? It's about the potion right?" Severus put his hands back down at his sides against his own will. If he was a man he would have seized the opportunity and kissed that lovely neck of her's. But what was he saying she would have came back up and smacked him because he was a professor and that she hated him. Oh, and he didn't want her, remember?  
  
"Oh, yes, on next Wednesday the ministry will call us down and we will have a presentation on the potion. Dumbledore volunteered you to come along, so I've given you the part in which you will talk about how the potion is made, considering you know you know how to do that. And I'll do everything else." Hermione looked up at him, rather bewildered  
  
"You want me to skip classes?" Hermione said slowly though trying understanding it. The N.E.W.T.s were so close and all and he, a teacher, wanted her to skip classes. Severus handed her a pile of notes that he had been taking while making the potion.  
  
"Please?" He said please?! Hermione mind screamed. No that was not normal! No, now I can't say no. It would be rude. But what about school? But I'll be with Severus. Hermione's mind kept listing off the random thoughts as she vaguely recognized herself nodding.  
  
"Good." Severus had been starting to seriously worry if she was going to say no or something. Not that he couldn't do it with out her, it would just be... nice. "The notes for the potion are in there. I already sent a stupid 'for the nitwits at the ministry' version to them so you can keep those. And you'll get big points to help get into a university for going through with this Hermione"  
  
"Erm, okay" Hermione clutched the notes ting to take in the string of instructions. "See you on Wednesday?" She didn't want to run off quite yet but she realized she had to write this speech thing by Wednesday. She needed more time! The student in her was magnetically pulling her towards the library.  
  
"Yes see you then." Severus watched Hermione scuttle out the door looking as though the world was about to end. She didn't look to be the type to procrastinate much, this was going o be a new-ish experience for her. He was looking forward to Wednesday immensely. He didn't want to let himself think much about why he was looking forward to it so much. 


	10. untitled ten

*A/N: I cant read this chapter anymore... I just can't. its so horrable, but dont stop reading because I hate my story ^^" thanks to the reviewerd who read the story which is more then I can do right now.*  
  
10  
  
"Lavender," Hermione said it quietly as lavender turned the corner leading to transfiguration. Hermione's stomach gave a nervous tug, and she let out a short sigh as lavender looked over to her, Hermione urged Lavender to come in closer. Hermione looked down at her watch, she really had to go, but she had to tell someone or all her friends would get concerned.  
  
How was she going to say this one? Hey, Lavender, don't mind if I'm gone because I'm going to help professor Snape with his poison presentation... yes it's kind of a extremely nice thing to do for him... well actually I don't mind all that much spending some time with him... by that I mean me being completely engulfed in every part of him...  
  
"Lavender, I'm going to go work on a project for a couple days, don't worry about me, okay?" Hermione let out a nervous smile. Of course she knew that being secretive with Lavender wasn't going to work all that well. Lavender looked at Hermione in complete disbelief.  
  
"Hermione, what skipping class this near to the end of the year?" Lavender didn't yell it out but at the same Hermione wanted to put her hand over her mouth. Lavender had to be so out right saying these things so just about anyone could hear her. At least she didn't ask what the project was. Thank god for small miracles.  
  
"Like I said its not exactly skipping." Really it wasn't! Hermione yelled to her mind. She felt queasy at the thought of skipping school. But she was working on getting a recommendation to a good collage so it wouldn't matter. Plus she would be with a teacher. Well, not bbeing/b with a teacher, unless if things went horribly well. ihorribly wrong!/i Her calm connected side of her brain was yelling. That was when she felt the feeling of someone else's was presence right behind her.  
  
"Granger, skipping class?" The drawl was like an ice water as she turned to see Draco smirking with a hint of superiority "My, the world is going to end isn't it?" Hermione let out a glare, rolling her eyes at Malfoy's returned gaze  
  
"Not that its any of your business..." She fully intended to blab right then and there that she was doing work for the head of Malfoy's house, of course it wouldn't have been the smart thing to do. But it was even less smart to strangle the boy. He was pissing her of, and she barley had any time left! She didn't want to be late. She was cut off anyhow.  
  
"Well I'm sure Professor Snape will make it his." Malfoy let out a small cackle before darting off towards the dungeons. Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. That boy was so frickin dumb, he was going to be late to class too now. But no need to concern herself with the incredible stupidity of others she needed to get to Snape's too.  
  
"Bye!" Hermione piped as she dashed off after the Malfoy.  
  
...  
  
Severus was glad to hear the knock on the door, she was just on time too. He smiled to himself because no one was around, he was getting rather used to the idea of spending more time with Hermione. And being she had already worked out her speech he didn't have to think about making sure that one of his students looked dumb. And then Malfoy walked in.  
  
God, what was up with the boy, he was panting like a mad dog, and yammering on about something that was not distinguishable in the least bit. This is exactly the kind of stuff that made him look bad. Thank god it wasn't Draco going with him. After a few more seconds under Severus's glare Draco finally managed to sputter understandable words.  
  
"Granger is skipping class for days, and said that there was nothing anyone could do about it, being a smart ass and all..." Severus knew Draco was saying something else, but he saw Hermione standing at the open door now. She looked slightly flustered and walked into the room with an air of 'This is all bullshit', plopping down into Severus's desk chair, letting her bag clang to the ground. Damn, she looks sexy pissed off, Severus involuntarily thought.  
  
"Speak of the devil" Malfoy muttered when he saw Severus look at Hermione. Hermione couldn't help but smile a bit as she saw Draco's astonishment. She was soaking it all in, the boy who thought he had his professor wrapped around his little finger had no control. It really was a beautiful thing. And she couldn't help but notice a bit of amusement creep into Severus's eyes. He didn't look like he was about to put on a show of being the big bad teacher for once, so she might as well test her luck. It was too good of an opportunity to miss.  
  
"Malfoy, I have business with Professor Snape here, and I do believe that you are late for class." Draco's mouth dropped open and as he looked helplessly at Severus, who quickly shielded himself from all signs of enjoying this whole skeptical, gave a curt nod. He thought he saw Draco's mouth drop a bit more.  
  
"What? How? Why for the love of god Professor are you working with that mud.. I mean, her!?" Hermione was wondering what he would do next. She wanted him to say it was because he secretly want to searingly kiss her, feeling her body pressed up against him, and then she imagined Malfoy running from the room to leave them to their own devices. Of course that would never happen, so Severus gave a simple reply.  
  
"Dumbledore suggested it. And I'm sorry to say the girl is right, you need to get to class now before I take points away." Severus pointedly ushered Malfoy toward the door as the boy stepped out astonished, he shut the door hearing a soft hysterical laughter behind him. Hermione was head in arms on the desk shaking from her laughter. Severus felt himself smile shaking his head.  
  
"Hermione, that was quite a display. I don't know if I approve." Hermione sat up gasping for air looking at Severus. It was nice to hear his voice, not quite as cold as it was during class. She tried her best to put on an apologetic face.  
  
"I'm sorry." She said quietly. Severus felt a crash of guilt over him. Damn her, he was not supposed to feel guilty. The truth was he had enjoyed the whole charade and had not suspected Hermione to take him so seriously. He nodded walking towards her offering a hand up.  
  
"Its okay, our bags are this way, we best get them before the ministry beams us over." So they grabbed the bags. Hermione feeling anxious at the thought of visiting the ministry for an overnight stay. She heard if the money was spent that you could get a particularly nice room over there. And was she going to be in the same room as Severus? She was so transfixed on her own thoughts and also on the small talk she threw over to Severus to notice the tiny spider that sat on the brim of her bag.  
  
...  
  
Severus swept away from the reception desk at the hotel they were staying at. God damned muggles had such a slow system. Dumbledore said that by staying here they would get a better room for the same price. Too bad he didn't mention that muggle receptionist were always trying to weasel you into getting a room for twice the price. He looked down at Hermione who was dealing with the door boy who didn't understand the meaning of extremely fragile, and he saw her take the potion herself to keep the container from shattering.  
  
"It will be 10 minuets before its clean..." He told Hermione who nodded, unsurprised. Well she was raised a muggle after all. Hermione surveyed the waiting room champagne colored faded carpeting with the matching printed chairs. Out the window she could see the muggle sky scrapers. Professor Severus Snape looked so out of place there. She had already been asked what sort of convention they were going to because of their robes.  
  
"So, lets sit down." Hermione suddenly noticed what Severus had saw all along, the place was packed. All except for one chair and half which she saw him heading for. How much of a gentleman could he be? Not like he should be a gentleman, it wasn't supposed to be a honeymoon. Not that she would need to ever think about honeymoons with Severus. ishush/i Hermione childed herself, Hermione felt her thought process overflow. And there was Severus already sitting down, basterd.  
  
Severus was proud of himself for getting the only chair left. Hermione looked rather confused, he smirked. If she was so comfortable in her muggle world she could stand. Severus felt kind of guilty for this, he told himself not to be. Why should he feel guilty for thinking bad thought about that granger chick? Did he just call her a chick?  
  
Oh, gods wait, was she going to sit down on his lap?  
  
Severus moved aside slightly as Hermione fell back into the chair. Hermione smiled to herself at the mortified look on his face. Her ass was press up to his, after all it was only a chair and half. She decided to punish him even more for him thinking he could get away with out offering her the chair, she leaned back onto his chest. Hermione felt his heart racing. Did she really scare him that much?  
  
Or did he not want to get that close with the girl who killed his father, a small voice nagged way in the back of her head. She tried to push it away, but it leapt coiling back, whenever she saw him. She still sat and wondered what it would be like if she hadn't had told him. She would still be here, but she wouldn't be worrying if he hated her. But she would be worrying if she should tell him. Or if he would find out. It was all a big trade off, really.  
  
"Comfortable?" Severus growled out, she just thought she could lie like this, people were looking. Plus she was almost laying on him! Severus was wiggling his arm around trying to find a comfortable position for himself, now that was better. iNO!/i his mind screamed s he noticed his arm was warped around Hermione's hips. He looked to see Hermione blush in mid nod. Great now she thinks her potions teacher wanted to cuddle with her, now if only he didn't want to.  
  
"You?" Hermione murmured still feeling astonished at the fact he had just wrapped his arm around her waist. It was so nice, she didn't even want to over think it. She was fine as she ever was.  
  
"Okay, I guess, you took up my chair though." Severus felt the girl stifle back a laugh, he was actually holding her, like she was his. And the old lady who he had told they were monks five minutes ago when asked what convention they were going to looked a trifle confused. Bloody convincing monks they were. "So, Hermione could you explain your bit of the presentation..."  
  
...  
  
Hermione was sliding the card key across the lock of the door, while she could feel Severus standing behind her giving that confused look. He had a hard time trying to open the door, she made it look so easy. Hermione stepped into the cold room, well at least he would be comfortable. Too bad they were on the 36th floor, She couldn't help wondering if the man had ever been that far up in his whole life.  
  
"Bloody fucking hell." Severus muttered looking out the window, down towards the ground were the small cars were busily zooming around. He had never spent as much as fleeting moments in the muggle word, and now he was glancing down at it from way too high up in the air.  
  
Hermione glanced at the bus boy that had put their luggage down angrily left in a huff because evidently no one was getting around to tipping him. She sniggered a bit at the dark man hunching onto the window ledge, his knuckles beginning to turn white from the grip.  
  
"What?" Severus quickly turned around, an uneasy look in his eyes.  
  
"Afraid of heights?"Hermione questioned defiantly across the room. Severus glared back, she was going to play up his weakness was she? Not that he had a weakness, it's just that he had never been in this position before. Severus swept away from her glance picking up his black briefcase bag from the small pile by the door.  
  
"No." He answered starkly placing the case on a bookshelf, opening it with a snap. Hermione knew he was avoiding her gaze, he was so lying. Oh, this was going to be fun, see couldn't help thinking. Hermione, though she had learned to live with her professor, still had to get him back for the first 6 years of her Hogwarts education.  
  
"Its you just lived in a whole your hole life..."  
  
"That's quite enough Ms. Granger." He snared over to her, she smiled to herself. He was defensive, this was a sign he was really uncomfortable now. Either that or he was about to pull a Professor Snape on her and take house points away. Which he couldn't do, she reassured herself, since they were outside of Hogwarts grounds, not even on Hogwarts business.  
  
"Like a fish out of water." Hermione announced to him. Severus spun to face her walking forward furious. He wasn't going to strangle her was he? Oh now that would be too easy. He was going to beat her to death with that little white book he was holding. i Don't upset Snape while unpacking /i Hermione mentally noted for if she should survive this encounter.  
  
"I would really appreciate it if you would so kindly shut up Hermione." Severus said in a dangerous voice. He looked down to the girl who was biting her lip, either afraid or trying to hold back a laugh. Probably both. Why couldn't she just shut up sometimes? Gryffindor, honestly.  
  
"Dumbledore would know if you beat me to death with a book." Hermione announced. Severus held back his laugh, the girl was crazy. Beat her to death with a book? What did she think he was? A serial killer who had a thing with book beating? Would there even be enough force to kill a person with a book.  
  
"He would never guess." Hermione shivered at his low voice, dangerous, but with a touch of soft velvet thrown in. That and he was smirking, was that a good or bad sign? It was sure as hell sexy, but that was totally beside the point. The point in which being he was holding the book above her head.  
  
Severus let the book down with a soft playful smack on her head dropping it off in her lap. Sitting down on the other side of the couch with Hermione inquisitively flipping the book over. Until she finally saw the embossed cover of the book she gasped slowly dragging her finger across it, as if to see if it was real.  
  
"None," she said looking up at him. Severus let out a little smile and nodded. "So this is the book you all follow?"  
  
"Our Bible, I thought that since you were the book type you might like to see it." Hermione was beaming as she opened up to the first page. Members only owned the book and she had never known a member before, so this was her first time setting eyes on the book. It was like a new toy to Hermione.  
  
"None - No one.  
  
That is who one is in the none, no one special. One with the great moral standard to except the place as no one. No one person can save the world, but the None can. Un tied back by the need for fame and fortune the none will work from any side to stop all violence..."  
  
Hermione started reading the book out loud her voice floating over to Severus's mind as he leaned back and enjoyed the calm a simple book could bring. At least when the person you need to calm is Hermione Granger. It was rather nice, her voice, softly bringing the rhythm into the room.  
  
Hermione read of the None, she read how they believed that saving the world was to make both sides live on but more in harmony of the other. How the none would be willing to do anything to help the cause. And never except anything to come of it. Hermione stopped reading, she had been reading for a good hour. She was pretty sure that Severus's even deep breathing was a sign of his sleep.  
  
It was kind of like her and him. They had learned to live in harmony, were rather willing to do anything for the other. Well she wasn't sure about him, at least she was. But maybe that was for a different reason than he might have for helping her. He didn't b like /b her, did he? And last of all she expected nothing to come of it. She would graduate soon and then she would never see Severus Snape again.  
  
Hermione softly leaned back onto her professor settling her head against his shoulder. It was rather bitter sweet, her just laying there thinking about how she had fallen for her ugly old stupid mean professor, who was really a young dark intelligent moralized man who she was secretly laying against. He was comfortable too. And it was then when she saw the spider web in the corner of the room.  
  
i Your imagining it Hermione /i she told herself. But there it was, as clear as day, the spider web. But it wasn't just any spider web, it had the words scripted into it... I love you.  
  
Hermione's mind flashed back to the last time she heard that, those words from him, Harry Potter. She had just smacked him. She was so sore, stained, sobbing, practically nude as well as silently screaming. He still had the silencing spell on her. He was sitting on the couch pulling up his boxers with one hand on his face looking at her.  
  
She didn't remember much about that look except the smile. The same smile that had been in the Pictures of the daily profit what seemed like almost daily. Brood, full, grinning down at you, only this time she saw it the first thing she thought of was evil. She fled to the corner of the room to her suitcase, franticly trying to find some clothing.  
  
"It's okay Hermione." He said softly, Hermione shrunk away at his voice it was advancing closer to her. She managed to get a robe and throw it on protectively holding it shut as she spun around to see him. She backed as far into the corner as possible.  
  
It was not okay. It was as fucking far away from okay as possibly imaginable! What was his problem? You could just not go and do this to a person. No, you didn't rape a person an then go up to them and say its okay, that it was a jolly good time and lets do it again sometime. Oh and about that murder lets just pass it off as another possible supporter of Voldemort down the drain. Of course the guy didn't even have a dark mark. He must have done something wrong. Was it as wrong as raping your best friend though? Was it?  
  
Hermione screamed it all out to his face, which was approximately 5 inches from her own. Only making air gasps and the sound her nose running. She didn't care that she looked like the had two extremely red eyes with snot coming out of her nose then and her face covered with uncountable layers of tears, and that all she could do was pull her robe closer to her body. Because it was what he said next that was all she was thinking about.  
  
"I love you."  
  
No. Never. Never ever.  
  
It was all she could silently say to him as her mouth gaped open form the shock of the man, no, boy, little immature child in front of her. He thought he loved her so all she could possibly do was love him back, because he was Harry Potter and no one said no to Harry Potter and really meant it. Never mind she was Ron's girlfriend, that she was not in love with him, that he was such perfect prick that he could go become the devil's lover as far as she was concerned. Hermione blindly shoved him out of her way as she ran towards the bathroom.  
  
"Hermione! Please come out, You don't understand, Its just not for your body. I'm not like Ron, All he likes you for is to kiss and grope and stuff like that, he just wont say it. I want to really love you, we can go get married and get a little house and have kids and live a perfect life!" Harry called through the bathroom door as Hermione turned the shower on to scolding hot water, stepping in burning herself in attempt to forget other pains.  
  
He was a liar. Ron didn't just want to use her, he was just jealous, and she would never go to live with him and have his children. Never, it made her sick just thinking about it.  
  
Hermione looked up at that spider web wanting to smash the spider sitting n it watching her. But she couldn't kill it because then t would turn back into a human and she would have killed Harry Potter. That wouldn't be painful enough for him either. She had to make him suffer.  
  
She closed her eyes trying to think straight, her body slowly moving up and down with every one of Severus's breaths. It was so nice being with him, she replayed the thought in her head. Her body naturally fitting into him, and his young handsome body. And the funny thing was what would make her happiest would make Harry most miserable. And with this Hermione let out her smile. The sweet smile of relief, because she understood it all now.  
  
Hermione turned to kneel on the couch, slowly bringing her hand to his face. Her heart pumping twice as fast as normal, and feeling like it was in her heart at the same time. She gently traced a line from his forehead around his cheekbone and to his chin. Almost jumping when Severus opened his eyes.  
  
What the hell was going on? Severus had just awoken to this feeling, it was a good feeling though. So soft, so loving. He slowly opened his eyes letting out a soft intake of air as he saw Hermione's face hovering above his own. Her soft brown locks falling in his face. He slowly pushed them back. Hermione took his hand and stood him up.  
  
Hermione stood praying her legs weren't going to give away as she looked up to the man, his eyes showed a confusion. "Its okay" she muttered softly to him bringing her arms around his face leaning him down to kiss her. He complied bringing his lips down to a slow caress over hers. Slowly deepening until she felt the full intensity of his tongue openly exploring her mouth in a way that made her breath fall away from her. This was what she wanted. And after it the kiss broke for need of air and she felt him pull her into his chest resting his head onto of hers. This is what Harry hated.  
  
And it was exactly at that moment the ministry decided to bring their guests to them via the portkeys placed around their necks. 


	11. untitled eleven

*A/N: sorry it took so long to update, I was out of town and had a bit of writers block... but here is the next chapter. Oh and also last chapter I meant to say Charlotte's Web by E. B. White was where the spider's web writing idea came form, so thank you to him and I don't own his ideas as well as J. K. Rowling's characters.* 11  
  
"Damn." Hermione whispered into Severus's arms as she felt the pull of the portkey. Nothing felt quite like the unmistakable pull of a portkey. Nothing felt quite like that kiss. Oh, what she would have gave to see Potter's face then. Just to pull her gaze up and look into his eyes thinking who's hurting now, huh psycho stalking rapist boy? Who is hurting now?  
  
Severus dropped his arms and Hermione backed up a respectable distance in the waiting area they were now standing in. Only one couple was there and they weren't paying attention. Severus stood attempting taking in his surroundings. It was a restaurant, a wizard restaurant by the Quidditch memorabilia on the walls. Hermione was looking at him too. He couldn't help smiling. Hermione did not smile back though, she seemed distant. It was probably nothing, he told himself.  
  
"Severus Snape?" A lady with a fake smile plastered on called, sticking her head inside the door. Severus swept forward with Hermione close behind as they entered the restaurant to see what this was all about. They found themselves at a table with an older man, his salt and pepper hair combed back to cover up a bald spot and his large glasses kept falling down his nose. Hermione saw Severus shaking hands with him. Hermione felt out of place. And Severus was acting so normal. Of course that would be the best thing to do in front of this odd man.  
  
"Oh, and Hermione this is Trevor Helm, he runs the potions department at the ministry, Trevor this is Hermione Granger, a student at Hogwarts who assisted me with the potion." Severus introduced them as Hermione nodded to the man who looked to preoccupied juggling clipboards to shake her hand now.  
  
"Ah, so Severus I was only supposed to give you these papers but I figured that since I haven't seen you in a while we could catch up over a good meal, you didn't have any plans did you?" Trevor smiled over, with Hermione realizing they must be friends. Well yes, that would make since genius.  
  
"Ah, Well I guess nothing in particular..." Severus muttered reluctantly to the man pulling up a seat.  
  
...  
  
Hermione sat down, she looked about the room. It was empty and cold... Severus was not here. She had came back before he finished his drink. She was getting bored at the small talk and if she could look at Severus without blushing it would be great. What would also be great would be to get rid of that damned web. Hermione grabbed the small white book and threw it at the web relived when it tore. Not like he could have made it of metal or something, it was just made by Harry Potter.  
  
"Hermione?" The voice rang clear. Hermione knew that voice. The hair on her neck stood up as she defiantly turned and slowly stepped away in the same motion. The little round glasses, faint scar showing through a tangle of hair. Hermione felt lump in her thought rise. She tried to swallow but it came out as a loud gulp, rather forced.  
  
Harry Potter wasn't exactly the happiest boy in the world. His best friend had betrayed him. His lover had betrayed him. And here she was acting like the victim. Victim of what? Willingly exchanging spit with a man that was old enough to be her father? A bitter old man and Hermione was making out with him, why? To piss Harry off was the answer Harry could come up with, and he knew it was all too true. There was no other reason. She couldn't possibly like that man. No she couldn't, she was just being a bitter bitch.  
  
"Severus will show up any second now." Hermione whispered to Harry. Her mouth suddenly dry, was barley admitting but a soft mummer to add to the labored breathing of both of them. "He will kick your ass if I tell him to."  
  
"So, you told him didn't you?" Harry felt a rage filled nerve get caught in his chest. He should have known that she would tell. He looked to Hermione cowering from him, of course she told. She was always so damn "moral". Of course it wasn't fucking moral to kiss the teacher to revenge the man who loved her.  
  
"No." Hermione shook her head, terrified. He had got that look again. The look that haunted her in her sleep  
  
"Didn't you?" Harry snarled out. She was lying to him now. She had told him.  
  
"No, why would I tell him?" Hermione took another step back, trying to avoid him. He was getting closer to her though. In her face. She already couldn't breath. Did she have to smell him? Did he have to attack her? All she did was kiss Severus. At least as far as he knew. At least she thought he didn't know anymore. But this was Harry, he went on his instincts not knowledge, Hermione knew this.  
  
"Afraid of me Hermione?" Harry grabbed her shoulders fighting her from yanking away. It was pathetic her muffled sob. He almost felt sorry for her. He felt sorry for the girl who was so confused that she thought that her friends were her enemies and her enemy her lover.  
  
Why was she so confused? It was always so clear to him. But of course he was blessed with a gift. The gift to see the morally wrong and right. And he knew that Snape was the morally opposite of what he was. So since he was right that made Snape wrong. Sure he may have assisted in murdering Voldemort, but that was because Snape didn't like being pushed around. And Hermione thought her professor was such a hero. A hero his ass.  
  
"What have I ever done to you?" Harry asked titling his body to get Hermione to look him in the eye. She looked away immediately. He just followed.  
  
"Everything." Hermione choked out closing her eyes so not to look him anymore. Harry did everything to her. In the beginning he pissed her off, then be befriended her, gave her some thrills with adrenaline rushes as they went off on impossible to survive missions. And they survived, her gave her victory. And then last summer he gave her shame, he made her kill a man. He gave he pain, and horror, and that ever-existent feeling of being watched. It was a circle that Harry Potter. And now he wanted to try another go around it. Too bad she wasn't going to fall for it again. She should have never got involved in the first place.  
  
Harry was sick of this game. She was refusing to look at him. She wouldn't answer his questions. He didn't want it to come to this. But she left no chose. Oh well, too bad for Hermione. Too fucking bad for Hermione. Harry gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and muttered it could have been better. It could have been so much better. And he disapparating away from her.  
  
...  
  
Severus came back to the sound of the shower running. He was glad that was all over. Trevor Helm was a heavy drinker who could trap you there forever if you really needed to suck up to him. Severus shed his clothes down into his boxers climbing into the bed. The, as in the only bed, Severus herd his mind tell him as the water of the shower shut off. He couldn't help but wonder what Hermione would do after she came out.  
  
Hermione came out of the bathroom. The feel of the cold air around her only bringing her to realize how much the water in the shower had stung her. And she could still feel Harry clutching her. But he left on his own accord this time. Maybe that meant he gave up, it was over. She could only hope. Hermione blindly walked to the bed in the dark room. Evidently Severus had to be there to have all the lights shut off. Harry wouldn't do something like that.  
  
No, her eyes adjusted and she could see Severus in the bed. He was looking at her intently. He looked so unsure. She couldn't help to give a little smile at that. No matter what Harry thought of Severus, he was just an insecure intelligent man when you got down to it. Not to mention sexy as all hell. But she wouldn't care what Harry thought now would she?  
  
No, she told herself. She did not care what Harry thought. She didn't care what the hell the boy was doing now. She didn't care that every time he touched her she had to go and burn herself with water to feel halfway clean. She didn't care that he probably knew he was torturing her. She told herself she didn't care. But she knew she did.  
  
Severus looked at the girl who was pulling up the sheets at the other end of the bed, evidently getting in. Something was odd about her. She seemed so distant right now. Normally Hermione would have said some smart-ass remark by now. Or at least he would have. But he found the girl cuddling up in his arms and he couldn't bring himself to say anything at all. She was in his arms and trusted him enough to want to be that close. He rested his on her shoulder, listening to her soft breathing.  
  
Hermione smiled into him, she was safe here. It felt so right, and she was safe. No way Harry would ever go up against Severus. Hermione, yes, but a Hermione in the arms of a man who could take Harry Potter down without a wand. And she felt so much better now. Expectably while feeling his warm body right up next to her through her thin nightgown. She could forget Harry's death grip in his arms. Because she knew he would never have that sort of grip on her.  
  
"Good night Severus." Hermione mumbled into Severus. Severus smiled as he felt her lips making the motions of the good night wish into his chest. The small breathing of her. He hadn't slept anyone in a long while. And no one like Hermione for sure. And here she was. How did this all happen?  
  
Hermione felt him give her a soft kiss on the neck before he mumbled back good night. She closed her eyes falling into a contented sleep.  
  
...  
  
Harry was not contented though. You could say quite the opposite now. He scanned the house he was in front of now. It's manicured lawn, the small square windows on the small square house. A proper house Aunt Petunia would call it. Like her house, what was breed out of it was not the pleasant sort of person. And Harry knew that this would be a memorable trip.  
  
Harry was done giving Hermione chances. She was evidently not wavering her course of actions. He was going to have to react. This closeness to Severus was evidently a way of getting the word out that he was a "criminal." She would tell it all to Severus soon. If she hadn't already, but Snape would have already told the world if she had. And he barely remembered how this all started, but none the less the rest of the word would know Hermione's story of it.  
  
Okay, so Harry could remember who it started. But he was convinced now it was all in his head. He didn't love Hermione. How could he love her if she was the only person in the world who didn't love him? It was all in his head, he just made himself think he loved her so she would be nice. So she would play fair. So what if Hermione had something against him, did she really have to go shout it out to everyone?  
  
He himself had kept so many secrets and she couldn't just keep one. He was surprised she didn't go blurt out about Sirius when he was around. She probably would have if Sirius had lasted that long. And now he was pretty sure that Sirius would now tell him to forget that girl. Forget that bitch that will stab you in the back no matter how much you give.  
  
But now who is stabbing whom in the back? Harry couldn't help ask as he entered the home. A very homey little place it was too. The ginger curtains and carpet lead you in the cute little living area, the comfy chairs, random books, and happy family portraits. The hall veered to his right. He directed his way towards it. He could faintly hear a man's snore residing behind one of the doors.  
  
Harry's conscious was a bit guilty. No matter how much he had warned her, he could still a little pang that said don't do it. Hermione didn't understand that you were serious. But Hermione knew he was perfectly serious, or else she would have shouted it to the whole world by now. But she thought she could be sneaky. Telling it to the potion's teacher. Then she thought he wouldn't figure out it was her. What was he, a fucking idiot? No he was smarter then that head girl and she would pay.  
  
So, the insane Harry potter raised his wand and whispered avada kedavra into the ear of the man sleeping, watching the silent green light come out of his wand. Of, yes, it was the technique of wimps, to kill silently. But it would get the job done, and he change the course of direction up to the woman's chest as well. Harry watched her shake and sputter until she fell silent. Good this he had killed Hermione's dad first. Because, mother like daughter, Big mouthed shits they were.  
  
But Harry knew there was a voice in the back of his head. One that said this was not right. That you couldn't do this to a poor girl whom was dragged into it in the first place. She had never chosen to Harry and Ron's friends. That she was a victim of the pressure of him and Ron. That Hermione was the only level minded smart one of the bunch. The voice sounded oddly like Ron.  
  
Harry turned around to see his old red headed friend behind him. Ron standing there with a look of so much disappointment that Harry couldn't help feel a bit low for him. Ron stood in the sill room with his cape slung oddly across his shoulders, his eyes filled with tears, shaking his head. Harry tried to say 'What' but he could only mouth the word to the boy, feeling as though he had no real reason to be angry with Ron.  
  
Harry had spent the most of his time being angry nowadays. He was angry with the ministry for thinking lord Voldemort was gone. He was angry that Hermione ignored him. He was angry that he was so alone without anyone to understand him. But here was Ron. And Ron, Harry doubted, if any one could phantom Ron' predicament. Not even Ron probably knew the whole story. If anyone should be mad at him Ron had that right, but he never did get angry. Ron wasn't that type of guy, right?  
  
"Whatever, Happened to the boy who lived?"Ron slowly annunciated his question letting it fall into the room, though as comfortable as it was when the Grangers were alive, was now dead as it original owners. Ron took a moment to squint into Harry's eyes as if to almost look to read his mind, Harry could help but shiver though as warm as it was in the room. Ron appeared to wipe a small tear out of his eye, and Harry let off a feeble shrug, hearing Ron grunt in return.  
  
"On top of the world, and then some shit happens and next thing you know he's killing one of his best friend's parents"  
  
"Ex-best friend's" Harry managed to utter back; he could almost see Ron grin a bit at this.  
  
" A whole lot of shit it's been, ehe Harry? You kill Snape's dad, then lie, then rape my girlfriend, followed by doing nothing to stop me from running, Then after realizing nothing is coming back to you kill Hermione's parents. A big hooray for the world is it Harry?"  
  
"No." Ron laughed at him; Ron still managing to cry through his own laughter now. His voice would slightly crack at certain points, but evidently Ron didn't care.  
  
"All just because you think old Voldemort's still out there... do you still think that?" Ron was looking directly into Harry's eyes now. Harry was looking every other way trying to not see Ron. Oh, that was so hurtful, thought Ron. Cant look into your best friend's eyes now can you? When did that one come about? You had no problem after you raped Hermione, now did you? If Ginny had never told me. But now he has guilt, now that he knows that someone else is aware of his actions. Oh wait, Hermione knew all along. Now that is why you killed her mom and dad. Ron was flickering these thought to Harry as he tried to remain in eye contact with him.  
  
"You know Voldemort's out there" Harry sputtered at the floor.  
  
"What, because of that damned prophecy? The prophecy that Voldemort made Trelawney give so people would think that he was indestructible except for if a small young boy could kill him. You know she's a hoax as well as I do, the only real 'prophesies' she gave were Voldemort taking over her mind and speaking his promises through her. And your still sick enough to believe it after he is dead."  
  
"Prove it."  
  
"We all know they destroyed the remains."  
  
"What about a ghost?" Harry bit back. Voldemort seemed like the type of guy who wouldn't give up on living that easily. Voldemort could be a ghost and still attack them all and then what would be of the world that thought he was dead  
  
"Vampires are the un-dead... they cant become ghost Harry. Just face the facts." Ron said finally getting Harry to look up at him. But Harry wasn't a very happy right about then. He could see the rage just streaming off of him.  
  
"You didn't face the fricking fact, Weasley. You ran off. You didn't even do anything. It was just, ' I'm Ron and I can't deal with my family's expectations, watch me go hide, because I am Ron the enormous wimp. ' "  
  
"I ran from you" Ron muttered "Hermione would have been better off running too." Ron added as an after thought.  
  
"So why did you come back? You evidently hate me so much and was doing so well off on your own. Why bother with bringing me to justice now. As you well can see I'm as damned as it gets. Nothing can save me now Weasley. I killed two innocent happy muggles just to spite the one I loved and hey look I can just prance off now and blame it on you! So ha-ha!" Harry laughing like a nervous mad man now. It made Ron jump a bit. Harry was defiantly off his rocker.  
  
"I couldn't leave Hermione alone with you." Ron's eye refilled with tears. It was his weak spot. When he left he knew his family would be angered and want to know why. He knew that Harry would be ecstatic. But Hermione, he was leaving her and he didn't know how she could stay. Evidently she was stronger then him. But Ron had always suspected that.  
  
"Oh I wouldn't say she is exactly alone, come here Ron." Harry took a leap of courage and landed head long on Ron and started disapparating them both. "Shall we see how our poor little lonely Hermione is doing right now?" 


	12. untitled twelve

*A/n: well I'm just managing to get this one up before I go on a short vacation. the bit in the beginning might be a wee bit confusing because its Ron thinking and remembering up to the present, just so you all know what Ron was really doing that whole time. yep. thanks for all the nice reviews, and I'm truly grateful to those who say they can be my beta, but I afraid I get the chapters up so slow already and that it would be an awful lot of work for them. Oh and Ill be sure to fix those specific corrections people mentioned in reviews soon, I just really need to get off and start packing right now, so enjoy... bye!*  
  
12  
  
A sad coincidence it was, Ron thought. He was in town that day, and decided to go see the Granger's. He didn't plan on staying the night but they were so nice. Evidently Hermione wasn't too bitter with him, or else her parents would know and shoo him out. Ron was pleased with this. Hermione didn't hate him, though he had left her. He left her with him. But he knew Ginny would take care of her for him, though Ginny was furious at him all the same.  
  
But he couldn't stay with Harry. Every time he thought about what had happened his stomach wretched and he felt like throwing up. How could he have assisted in killing that poor man? All he wanted was to... what did he want in going forward with Harry? Did he want to become famous and be better then his brothers? Did he not want to betray his friends? Or was or that he didn't want to look like a wimp in front of Hermione? Little did he know the choice was wimp or murderer.  
  
Ron remembered how it killed him, it still killed him, how he could do such a thing and lie about it to save his own butt. As he sat in his room looking over his bed staring at the comforter as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. He griped the fabric throwing back down on the bed like it had done something wrong, just by existing. It was there and others weren't. Why could things like this happen to people? And why was he still here and Mr. Snape wasn't? Who made that decision? He would have much rather had god decide for him to be a good person and defend the poor man then have the man innocent killed. He would die at least in good favor.  
  
Ron fell face first onto the bed sucking in the stale air inside the comforter now. Nothing he could do now could make up for what he had did. And what was the point, for him to go on suffering forever? In his small worthless life that would have only done the world better if he had not existed. And Ron felt the heavy hand on his soul pulling it down to his feet. Until he realized, he didn't have to live.  
  
That was his choice. No one could affect his decision to live or not, it was entirely up to him. An with a sudden chill down his spin he knew that the lead in his chest had light considerably, replaced with the butterflies in his stomach. It was like a first crush, Ron thought. Because he was free and didn't have to obey the laws of this world, and would instead go to the next if it did exist.  
  
He flipped through the books Hermione always had strewn across the room. Finding what he wanted, a potion which made one die. Or rather cease to exist as the book put it. He would just take the potion and be gone, dead, and free. Now all he had to do was make this stupid potion. Ron grabbed a cauldron out of his trunk, the same one with all his school belongings. He would never have to go back to school then too. He would be the third Weasley to drop out. And he just may be a little more memorable then Fred and George in his creativity of it all. Ron smiled, and they thought no one would top Fred and George's exit.  
  
Of course he was a day into the potion when Hermione walked in on him making it in the closet. His heart could have stopped right then inside of his chest from the fear. But it, just in spite of him, kept a shallow mummer as Hermione looked at the open book on the little stand. And by just the look on her face he felt so ashamed. He was so disappointed with the way his plans had been ruined and how he was never going to finish his potion to compete the plan. And now he had the weight on his chest of that small dropped jaw of Hermione's. Just looking at him like she didn't seem to be comprehending this all.  
  
Hermione had seemed distant from him for the last day anyhow. Of course she was distant though, they had all been distant. But maybe that was because he was being distant from them, shutting himself in the closet. Hermione seemed to be showering all he time or running off to Ginny's room. And Harry... he was giving a little sympathy look on every newspaper on the wizarding world explaining the made up story of what happened. Funny how Harry could go off and tell everyone about it and seem to be suffering the least. Maybe because Harry had gone through allot of shit before.  
  
Hermione had her wand out now and said scorchify in a shaky voice, as if she was afraid of the potion. Or maybe that was fear of Ron. Which if it was she immediately changed her mind about it all and pulled Ron into a long hug, breaking out of tears. Ron held the girl. Hermione pulled her face to looking his, closing her red eyes so not to look at Ron.  
  
"Run," Hermione let out a small sob and weakly continued. "Just run away, do it for me, just don't do that" She vaguely motioned to the cauldron with her head. "Ever again."  
  
And Ron taking in the pretty wet face of Hermione, let go of her and grabbed his things. Lightening his trunk, he grabbed his broom and flew out the window, not knowing what he was going to be doing. Or where for that matter. Just that Hermione told him not to kill himself. So he was listening to her, because she was the sensible one. He was just Ron, but Hermione cared enough to not want him gone. Ron glanced up to Hermione who was blinking back tears, lip bitten looking at him.  
  
"Love you Hermione." Ron whispered. Hermione nodded her head breaking down into tears again and Ron flew put the window feeling the guilt of having no power to comfort her. He just wasn't strong enough to.  
  
Ron had flown to the Americas. He decided they were far enough away that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew. To start all over again. Of course it wouldn't be so easy with out friends and family to start him off as a small boy. Now he was a young man, with no one.  
  
Some times Ron wondered if he made the right decision, in listening to Hermione. He knew he loved her and wanted to make her happy, but was it the right choice? It was no different being this disconnected from her than being dead. Hell, he could kill himself now and no one would know the difference. Life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, he was barley eating everyday, and owned a tiny studio in a terrible neighborhood. No furniture, no food, no magic.  
  
So Ron would lie on the old carpet that you could still the cat piss of old owners if you were long there long enough. He would lie and look up at the ceiling, wondering why. For the love of god why me? His stomach would clench in a painful scream for nutrition and he would ignore it continue to wallow in his guilt and deep self-pity. Wondering if and how Hermione would ever hear about the young poor boy that slit himself in the wrists with some glass in a trash can outside his apartment because he was too fucking broke to even afford a razor. Too fucking broke to have some of his own damn trash to slash himself with.  
  
And now, a half a year latter, he had nothing. His stint as a street magician had gone nowhere. He was but dead even to himself, though sadly still breathing. But somehow he found himself going back. Back to where he belonged, in England. And somehow found himself at Hermione's parents' door. Seeking refuge with the blissfully naive parents of his ex- girlfriend. Because that was what he always told himself she was, though he could still feel the fickle hope fill him every so often.  
  
Hope that maybe Hermione might be lying somewhere thinking about him. Wondering if he considered her his ex-girlfriend. Or that maybe he still loved her. That she might want to still be his girlfriend and not ex. Wondering if that one day they might meet up again and fall into each other's arms with the knowledge that what they had was strong enough to come back around a second time.  
  
Of course he then heard something down the hall. It sounded like someone was a having seizure. And his breath caught in his chest when he saw Harry standing over Mrs. Granger smiling as her last breath escaped her and the green light out of his wand faded out. It disgusted Ron so much. Because he hated him now. He hated Harry Potter, he who was now tackling him and disapparating them to some other place.  
  
...  
  
Severus woke with a start as a loud bang filled the room. Hermione like wise and they lifted themselves up looking over towards the noise of the two blurs in front of their bed. The red hair and black clashed a terrible bit with the grunts of the two figures removing one from another. What the hell was going on here? Who are they? Why were they here?  
  
"Ron?" Severus heard Hermione say. He looked over to see Hermione's face show a confused daze cross over her face in the moonlight. Severus shocked as her muttered a lumos spell lighting the room with his wand and causing Ron and Harry to look up seeming like some possums caught in the headlights of an approaching vehicle.  
  
"Take a look at poor Hermione now, Ron. So sad and lonely next to her potions professor." Harry said wickedly to the boy now standing and walking a step slowly away from him. Ron really did look like he was about to get ran over, his face scrunched up looking from Hermione to Severus as if trying to take it all in.  
  
Ron was pretty sure his heart had stopped. Or was it more that he was so stuck in one moment so that not enough time had elapsed for his heart to take another beat? It was just, there was Hermione, as beautiful as ever. More beautiful in fact. Maybe his heart had grown fonder in the absence, or maybe it was the tousled hair from just waking up from her slumber that made her so beautiful. Or was it the slender white cotton dressing gown that accented her body that was beautiful. Or maybe it was that because she was looking at him, maybe thinking that he had finally come back and she was too awe stricken to look away from him.  
  
But then there was a slender arm wrapped possessively around her waist. A pale, pasty arm that belonged to the man he had grown to hate most in his Hogwarts education. It made him want to throw up. How could Hermione ever find herself sleeping in a bed with this man? Why for the love of god would she do it? It was fucking hypocrisy against the devil to sleep with him. This had to be a mistake, an error in the plot somewhere.  
  
"Harry Potter?" Snape said making the time continue inside the room. Harry looked away from Ron to his professor now. He looked at him with a look of utter contempt. Snape's voice was full of the unfiltered rage that one might see a preview in the potions classroom. Only that was the preview. This on the other hand was the feature presentation. "You're a sick little boy, are you not? You know what Potter? I always wanted to say this, but never had a good enough reason to come out with it. Potter, I hate you. Just the fact you think you so great, it always got me. But now," Severus paused for a brief breath, letting a smile form on his lips. To say he wasn't enjoying this immensely would be a lie. It only pleased him more that Harry seemed to still quake a bit under his pressuring.  
  
"Now, "Severus continued forward full throttle "I cant even grasp at how you can believe your good enough that people could put you murdering a person behind you back. You're 'friends' cant even put it behind them. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it Potter? your father was a little basterd too. but then again most of his friends could put up with him."  
  
"Don't insult my family!" Harry yelped out with his fist clenched and white hitting the bed, sending a shockwave of force all through out it. Hermione looking afraid at the way things were going around, backed up into a far corner of the bed looking around at the men surrounding her. How could this be, how could she have three different males standing around her fighting like wolves for the right? She was never the type of person to fight over. Why were they all doing this?  
  
"No, I take that back, you do things because of that premonition of yours, not your family. The premonition that said to kill that man sitting on the porch?" Severus bit out  
  
"My scar has always been right..." Harry thought that Snape was angry because he had always been so jealous. Harry unclenched his fist to gingerly trace his scar. Slowly as he traced it he took a deep breath. Why should all the attention ualways/u be on him? Oh, no, not this time Professor.  
  
"So, sick, well I'm not exactly the one sleeping with their students. Oh wait that wasn't you sleeping with her, it was her sleeping with you. Yes because I know she was the one who kissed you. She was the one who saw me in the corner and decided to kiss you to piss me off." Harry let out a slow hum shaking his head acting as though he couldn't believe it himself. He bally breathed out the words that came next. "She was the one looking into my eyes as she kissed you, wanting to make me angry for her disobedience."  
  
"What?" Severus said off guard, caught off hand by this new piece of information.  
  
"Did you think kissing Snape here would make me angry Hermione? You think it would kill me, and my dreams of us being together because you went out of your way to make out with this disgusting excuse for a man? Well 'Moine, I hate to admit it, but your plan worked. It did, I was furious."  
  
Severus looked over to Hermione now sitting in an almost fetal position on the bed staring at him, the tears in her eyes. Did she really? No, she wouldn't do something like that. But if Harry was so horrible would revenge be more the their friendship. Did they even ever have that? Was this all just a big plot to piss Harry off? He was beginning to wonder. He watched her bite her lip and choke back a sob.  
  
"Oh my god." Ron said in a low voice resting his head against the wall staring up at the ceiling. "I mean, wow Hermione. It makes me wish I never left you. I thought I was going through hell. I had no idea what hell was. I mean Harry, he fucking raped you, and Snape? Just the fact you had to look at him too spite Harry there is just... I'm sorry. I was so self centered."  
  
Ron got up and walked over to Hermione pulling her up onto his arms, finally she started sobbing into him. Both Harry and Severus watched feeling as though they should have been the one holding Hermione. Though both knowing in the bottom of there hearts that maybe it was right Ron was holding her. Harry knew somewhere in there that he was not at all a gentleman, and Severus mean while just wondered weather he had been played the whole time.  
  
Maybe he wasn't right for Hermione because she had never wanted him at all. This stung through him like a poisoned spear. So what if he had only had her for less then a day, she was his. Oh, god knew she wasn't the type of person who would just use him. Was she? Maybe he wasn't meant for her because he needed to so much as ask if it was right. He should know shouldn't he? If he loved her, he would know. But maybe since all the signs pointed the other way.  
  
The way that he should just leave her with Ron. Signs like she's a student, she was younger then him, she needed an incentive to kiss him, and that she was looking pretty damned comfortable in Wesley's arms right now. It was like a tear in him, but he inhaled.  
  
So, she didn't want him. iNo she doesn't/i He repeated to himself.  
  
"Potter we are going to the ministry." He grabbed the boy and disapparated him there.  
  
...  
  
Hermione found Ron comforting and in spite of herself she couldn't help think she would find Severus comforting too. And he thought she was only using him now. Oh god, he had looked so angry. It was not that she didn't like him, it just wasn't exactly true that she might have gone through with kissing him if Harry wasn't there.  
  
"I'm sorry Hermione." Ron whispered onto her ear, Hermione let out a breath, she imagined it was Severus's voice telling her that and she let out a slight shiver. Oh if it was Severus telling her that she would look up at him and he might carefully wipe the tears out of her eyes with his long elegant hands. But instead she just continued sobbing into Ron  
  
She was just crying n the first place because she didn't know how to react to this all. So she just reacted. If only that reaction would have been anger instead of this. It made her furious at herself. Why was she acting like a fucking baby? She was a big girl who could work out her own problems. Hell if Severus didn't hate her then he would after he saw the way she was such a wimp. He would think he needed someone more mature then that, to break down just because two people were fighting.  
  
She could normally stand a tense atmosphere. She was just too high on emotions right now. She felt Ron lying her down on the bed again, him crawling up next to her. It only made her want to cry more.  
  
If only he wasn't so damned sweet she could get over him. If only Ron wasn't the perfect guy then she could just throw him out the window and say she was going to go be with Severus. But here he was lying looking concerned at her, saying apologies for leaving. For doing nothing wrong. Ron look up at her and leaned in for a kiss.  
  
He pressed his mouth against hers and unlike the passion filled kiss she had gotten form Severus earlier this one was different. Hermione didn't think of a way of put it other then different. But she allowed herself to be taken by Ron continued. She was just too tired to want to make him stop.  
  
She didn't have a good reason to make him stop either. It wasn't that it wasn't nice, it was just Ron. And for lack of a better word she would mark it in her memory burned as a pure Ron kiss. Because she couldn't push him back and say, "You know Ron, I like you and all, but frankly when Severus kisses me it just so much better." Because her heart was already aching so much that she needed something for it to cling onto. Because Ron was a friend of hers that she was afraid that if she pushed him away he might do something rash.  
  
Hermione could barely believe that Ron had tried to kill himself once. It just didn't seem possible. There was Ron the happy go lucky guy she knew. How did he all of a sudden decide that death was the answer? Harry, that was why. He fucked them all up so much it was scary. Take a look at what fiends can do to you, Hermione remembered herself thinking once. So when she saw Ron trying to get rid of himself she didn't know what to do.  
  
So told him to leave. Was that really the smart idea, she would ask herself. To leave him to his own devices, really shouldn't she be keeping a closer eye on him? But it seemed right at the moment, he wanted to leave, but instead of leaving permanently, leave temporarily. That way someday he could come back. Because Ron didn't deserve to leave forever. Because Ron was a good guy. Funny how after he left she began to deny that fact.  
  
And as it hurt her so to admit it, maybe, just maybe this was the right thing for Hermione to be doing. To be with Ron, because she didn't want him to go. At least she didn't originally. But now, did she want him to stay?  
  
*A/n: hypocrisy against the devil -that's my favorite phrase from Othello by William Shakespeare, just a note* 


	13. untitled thirteen

*A/n: wow, this took a whole month to put up... I blame it on being the unlucky numbered 13th chapter. No really I really I had the most horrendous writers block. Plus I kind of liked the end to the last chapter. I think it would have been a perfectly nice depressing end to he story, but you know I couldn't do that to you all :P So here it is, chapter 13 which hopefully will be the hardest one there was to write because 14 better not take so long. I also should mention chapter was changed a bit, to accommodate a story ion this chapter, but its not worth going back to chapter one and rereading it.*  
  
13  
  
Hermione played with the cool cloth of her bed spread. The four poster of her room seemed distant. She seemed distant. Like she was watching a version of herself playing with the bedspread, though the linen texture of it reassured her that she was real. She was here, like it or not.  
  
And her parents were dead. She could barley whisper the word in her own mind. It was small and set back. It wasn't real. It had to be some sick lie. Someone out there thought it must be funny. All she knew that it hurt. She was too young to have dead parents, you were supposed to be at least forty or something before that happens.  
  
Neville had dead parents though. She felt so bad for him. He always had such a happy go lucky aurora. Nothing ever had seemed wrong in the Neville side of the world. But his mother and father were dead. Well not actually, they were still alive, but it would b worse then death. Hermione imagined what it would be like if she had to go see her mother and father being taken care of like they were three. Though they were once knowledgeable and functional but stuck in a hell thrust apron them by some demented creature. Harry's parents died too.  
  
Harry had been sent to trial for Hermione's parent's death. She could vaguely remember Severus telling her this. That it was a sure fire way of sending him away but not getting her or Ron in any trouble for withholding information about his dad's death. But that was more faded out by the other million thoughts fluttering across her mind. Because she more remembered what he had said before that.  
  
"Hermione," Severus called out when he had spotted her. Hermione thought it was a rather stifled word, an almost pleading like cry. She had felt guilt boil up in her, because she had Ron beside her, and that they had just made out I that bed that she and Severus had just shared. She wanted to scream at herself. But Severus evidently did not see the guilt on her face because he pulled her up into a startling hug. "I'm so sorry."  
  
Hermione was confused, why was he sorry? She had just fucking betrayed him. What did he feel sorry for leaving her with Ron? Did he think she was defenseless or something and couldn't stop Ron from coming on to her... Or maybe it was he just found out she was raped. That would make more sense, the reason why he was gently smoothing down her hair. He had changed clothes, that was a good thing because he had ran out the out hardly any clothes on. But he was holding her now, and it didn't matter clothes or not because it had felt so good. He always felt so good.  
  
"I," Ron seemed to come out of his area away from them, Hermione had almost forgotten about him. Ron seemed to be stumbling with his words. "I didn't tell her." Hermione looked swiftly over to the blushed Ron who was carefully inspecting his shoes. "I couldn't do it."  
  
And Hermione could feel all the guilt turn to a fear as she looked from Ron up to Severus, his eyes shining in a sympathy that Hermione knew that would only mean something horrible. She saw him open his mouth now, close it, and pull her into a hug talking more to the top of her head because he did not want to look into her eyes as he said it. Hermione wouldn't want to look in her eyes either if she was in his shoes.  
  
"God," She felt him stumble for words, only increasing the fear in her. i I don't want to know, okay? If it was this bad why tell me, /i she felt her mind scream. i Wait till everything else is emotionally stable, so I don't feel guilt about you holding me like this. Wait till when Ron isn't glaring at you wanting to know why I was ever with you. Just stop! /i  
  
"Harry murdered them." Severus mumbled now, as if he was wishing that maybe she wouldn't hear. But she heard perfectly well. And her mouth died up, her head receiving a dull throb. "Your parents" Hermione let out a muffled cry as she dug her head into his chest. No, she had thought that, she had known that really since he said that Harry had done it, but she couldn't believe it. It was like everything was spinning. And her thoughts in a whorl as she tried to remain grounded by clenching onto him tighter.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Hermione."  
  
So they convicted Harry. They sent him to Saint Mungo's though. In a special ward just for him. The jury had convicted him insane. So in all reality he did not get the punishment he deserved. He deserved to rot in Azkaban till he could rot in hell. But no, he was famous Harry Potter, something must be wrong with him to make such a famous well off boy do something like this. He just can't be a bad person. Heaven forbid if a girl now sits on her bed her eyes stinging and can not cry any more from the things he did.  
  
Hermione lied back onto the pillow, glad that no one was there right now. Lavender had to go to divination and Hermione was allowed to take some time off it she needed it. Hermione's voice in the back of her head screamed that the N.E.W.T.s were coming up but she ignored it. She didn't need that right now. Hermione rolled onto her side finding the small stuffed sheep lying right in front of her eyes.  
  
Hermione gently reached up to the sheep patting it. The small sheep that she had loved for so long, her parents had given it to her. She remembered their smiling faces the day she gotten it. It was a wonderful Christmas. The smell of the pine tree muffled with the sent of wrapping paper being torn. The sheep wasn't wrapped though. It didn't need all that frill for it to be special.  
  
"Is it for me?" Hermione cried out holding up the toy snuggling her nose into the toy.  
  
"Oh, maybe." Hermione's dad had joked a half smile playing on his lips  
  
"Of course." Mrs. Granger replied giving her husband a playful glare. Hermione had run up to them hugging them both saying how it was the best ever. Mr. and Mrs. Granger smiling knowing that really meant that they were the best ever.  
  
Hermione was now holding the toy up to face the tears coming again as she breathed in the scent the toy had gained in its many years of existence. It was comforting but a sorrow at the same time.  
  
Rather like Ron. He was back now, and in full swing. And to tell the truth Hermione didn't know what she thought about it. It was all just so confusing. Like how she loved how Ron had joined the little group that they had all formed that year, but there was every time her touched her. It was like she was revolted, and she felt so ashamed for being that way. She loved Ron, at least as a friend, so why should every time he reach up to pull her into his arms she wanted to pull away and run?  
  
She knew that if she really wanted him to be right with her now, he would. He didn't have anything in particular to do around the school. Ron was going to start his seventh year next year because it was just too hard to catch up now. And if she wanted him to be here could be right beside her holding her in her bed.  
  
But she wanted Severus to do that.  
  
...  
  
Harry stood up, the dungeon filled with rows of people in front of him. Each of their faces, mostly round and chubby except for the few ones that looked nutritionally deprived, gazed at him with a sort of awe. Because no one quite ready yet to hate him. Sure few standing before him hated him a few years ago, but had grew out of that when the rise of Voldemort came. So now they wanted to know if that first hatred was justified. Because could this boy really do such a thing?  
  
Harry licked his dry cracked lip, he thought maybe they were too sore to move. Lot of good they would do then. He would just stand here in front of the whole trial, and not say a single word. That wouldn't convince them to send him to Azkaban, yeah, sure.  
  
"I didn't do it..."  
  
There he had said something. But it wasn't true. They all knew he did it. They recorded him using his wand at the exact time Ron told them he killed the Grangers. A biopsy would prove the real date though it wasn't even needed. Because it was all shot to hell. Someone in the third row of the people in front of him rolled their eyes. They wouldn't understand.  
  
"Well, I did, but - but I wasn't me."  
  
He saw fudge knit his brows infront of him. He half-expected for them to stop him right there, say that was a confession and have him whisked away. Harry looked down the row, as if looking for an inspiration or maybe just a hope that someone could sympathize. His eyes fell to rest at Dumbledore who pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. i He could be doing better things then listening to guilty me. /i  
  
"You see, this happened before. Lord Voldemort, he would take over my mind and make me do things, when I thought that I was just sleeping. I wouldn't mean to, it would just be, I don't know. It would be more like I was the victim."  
  
The whole court seemed to perk up at this, instead of fiddling with their robes they looked to the boy. A tiny man with a cane lifted it looking around to the others to see if anyone was going to notice.  
  
"But Voldemort is dead boy." There were a couple nods and a few sparse murmurs at this. But then the man looked a rather a bit dazed and looked down towards the general direction of Dumbledore "Right?"  
  
"Of course he is dead!" A cold voice shouted out impatiently behind Harry. He knew it was Snape. He didn't need to turn to feel the rage pouring off of him. Harry involuntarily shivered. If there were 3 people who wouldn't believe this story it would be Snape, Ron, and Hermione.  
  
"Severus please sit down." The familiar but tired voice of Dumbledore spoke "We all know he is dead, there is no doubt." Harry could tell from the collective looks of relief of the people in front of him that Snape had sat down. But if Dumbledore wasn't sticking up for him...  
  
Harry didn't know what he was expecting with Dumbledore. He always thought the man was brilliant. So why should he think he would go dumb now and believe Harry's innocence. But it was something Harry had grown used to, Dumbledore believing in him. Dumbledore sticking up for him no matter how insane it all may sound.  
  
"But if he's dead how is this boy hearing him?" The old wizard piped up again; rising his cane in the air as if to make sure everyone knew it was him.  
  
"His scar maybe could still be actively doing Voldemort's work though he is still dead, since much of his power is left in that" Dumbledore replied slowly to the man, thinking the idea over for himself as he said it.  
  
"So, he's insane?" Fudge asked to no one in particular.  
  
"Or he's just lying" Spited out a cheery voice that Harry knew was ex- professor Umbridge. Harry grimaced with distain.  
  
"Then he would have to be crazy just for doing it for no good reason." A sensible young witch in the back spoke.  
  
"All who vote Harry Potter insane for the charges of murdering 2 people?" Fudge boomed out, evidently making his decision. To Harry's hearts massive pounding a series of ayes filled up what seemed to be more then half of the stand.  
  
"And those who believe he should be fully charged in the first degree?" A lesser amount spoke this time, but it didn't reach Harry's ears because all he was seeing was the mouth of Dumbledore complying with the proposition of sending him to Azkaban. And Dumbledore was mostly the reason anyone thought he was insane, not guilty. Dumbledore thought he was guilty. And Harry was pretty damned sure at that moment he was going to hell.  
  
And there is just something about being sure that your going to hell that changes the whole world. Maybe, Harry would think, if he weren't in this jail like room in Saint Mungo's things would be different. The white padded walls and cot, him being kept away from all "sharps". Being kept away from everything for that matter. Perhaps if he did have access to the "sharps" and the rest of the world he would be evil? Because he was going to hell anyway. Why not just make the devil happy? Get on his good side?  
  
But since he was here he could just evaluate everything. With nothing better to do, it was a heck of a lot better then if he was angry anyways. It left him peaceful. Plus if he had been angry he might have torn up that letter she sent him. Be done with her, but now he couldn't. He owed her at least to read it. To endure the screams she would write out in the letter, leaving him alone with all his daydreams of what could been torn to shreds.  
  
But Harry took the letter that arrived with the Styrofoam bowl that had arrived full of soup. Eying his name scribbled across the envelope.  
  
Harry Potter... room 000... Saint Mungo's... England  
  
Harry turned the envelope over to the seal embedded to show a wispy H. Harry slowly tore the letter open, his ears pounding at the mere sound of the paper being broken apart. It was then that he noticed how silent the room had always been. Of course that is why he avoided walking, The sound of his soft footsteps could drive him up the wall. But he choose to try and ignore the sound and pull the parchment out of the envelope unfolding it tenderly.  
  
Harry, Why am I writing to you? Maybe, I don't know. I could give you an answer and it would make perfect sense once we all thought it over. It would sound like an intelligent Hermione thing to say. But it wouldn't be the truth. I mean that, as much as I hate you, you were once my best friend. And I could tell you stuff. I could cry onto your shoulder when Ron and I had a fight. Like the time he said he was glad Crooksanks died, remember that? Well, I could cry to you then. And maybe I still can.  
  
Cause Harry, though you cause most of these problems I'm still stuck on this idea, that maybe Harry might understand. And that concept was whispering away into my brain, until you raped me. And then I just hated you. I could live with you killing that guy. But then you skewed yourself over. Why the hell did you do that?  
  
If you thought I would love you were so wrong, because I loved Ron then. But now I'm not so sure. Because I think, I think I don't love Ron. Instead I want Severus. And I have no idea what to do about it. And I sit and imagine every possible scenario of what I could try and do. So now I think of what you say if I asked you. If I asked you before that summer. And you would say, "Go do it Hermione, go tell Severus that you love him. And everything with Ron will work out. Because Ron is a good guy." Right?  
  
Or, maybe now you think Ron's a bloody basterd. And so am, and of course Severus is. Ha, Yeah if I told you then I wanted Professor Snape over Ron I think you would have a heart attack and try to send me to a therapist. So you would never had said that. Ever. Would you? I'm sorry I wrote you.  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
...  
  
Hermione was gloomily staring into her oatmeal thinking how she had potions next. Wondering how she was going to deal with him. Her stomach rejected the food she tried and feed herself. But a tiny gray owl flew down into her oatmeal instead. So instead of eating she picked off the scroll attached to its leg. Absent mindedly patting the owl witch was now eating the oatmeal it was sitting in.  
  
Hermione opened the letter with her name written on it that was sent from saint. Mungo's. Probably telling her they couldn't give him the letter do to his conditions. When she opened it to a pointy scroll very unlike Harry's, she thought her suspicions had been confirmed. But instead it better then that....  
  
Dear Ms. Granger I was told to send you the following reply from Patient Harry Potter:  
  
Tell Him.  
  
Sincerely, Jane Fedler, assistant healer 


	14. untitled fourteen

*A/n: wow, this chapter it pretty damn smarmy. Its that type of smarynesss that can only be emitted from one's self after listening way too much dashboard confessional. If you want to gag me with a spoon I'm sorry. I think its almost done, just an epilogue if I want. Ack, thanks for all the nice comments from reviewers, and if you hate my story I'm terribly sorry, really I am*  
  
14  
  
"Ron?" She didn't know how to say it. Was it supposed to be something like, 'Hey Ron, its not like I hate you or anything but I don't like you like that anymore, okay?' And Hermione knew very well that it wasn't going to work, because he could do something horrible then, run off or something. Or worse... Hopefully he wouldn't quite school again.  
  
Of course Hermione didn't now if he would be a wimp about it, especially after he found out she had dumped him for Snape. He might get angry. Or pretend as if she didn't even exist. Poor Ron, she thought to herself, one minute you think you got it going on. The next your being dumped for a professor.  
  
"What Hermione?" He said looking up from his bacon. He was so damn innocent. God this was going to hurt her to do. "Did Hagrid send you a letter or something?" And with a dazzled peep from Hermione he stole the letter out of her long forgotten hands.  
  
Ron found the letter a tad bit different then the friendly letter from Hagrid he had expected. And it showed in his face as his brow changed from its relaxed position to one that looked as if it was bent in half. Because he was bewildered at this, why would Harry be advising Hermione? Why would Hermione ever listen to him? And what the hell was she supposed to tell him?  
  
"What the hell..." Ron managed to sputter but Hermione had managed to dash around the table by this time and jerk Ron up. "Don't fuck with me Hermione, what does this mean?" Ron continued as Hermione tried desperately to pull Ron to the doors.  
  
All Hermione could do now as pray Ron would shut up and let her explain. This wasn't how she imagined it would go. Of course she had no clue what picture she wanted to be painted inside of her head in the first place. And she just felt helpless pulling him out the door. There was nothing that was easy to say or do right now. Everything was just so fucking difficult. Maybe it wouldn't have been this difficult if Harry had gotten away with killing her parents in the first place.  
  
Because Ron wouldn't have caught him then. And Ron would still be an outcast from his family and the wizard world in general. And it is a mean and horrible thing to want, but Hermione knew if that was true that things would be better. At lest for her. She could still be with Severus. Though she would still have no parents, just one lost friend. One lost friend that if she could stop lying to herself she could admit she would probably be happier without right now.  
  
But at the teachers table there was one other person who was involved in all this who didn't know quite what to think. Because His eyes watched all of Hermione's frantic movements. Her hair windswept from running and struggling, her robes off center, and her whole entire emotional balance seemed to be also.  
  
He wanted to do something to help her. Anything, he thought to get Hermione to have to go with him. But his horrible potions professor instincts must have been waning because he could think of no reason to get her in trouble.  
  
It wasn't going to help much anyhow he thought. It was just a lover's quarrel, they would work it out. But secretly he wished it were more.  
  
...  
  
The empty classroom was dark and claustrophobic, the light finding its way around the heavy curtain. Not that the room was dusty. The house elves would never have let that happen. Hermione had desperately dragged Ron here, and it seemed like a rather long ways away but she knew it only seemed that way because Ron was shouting at her the whole way. A group of inquisitive Hufflepuffs was staring when she had ducked into the room.  
  
Hermione was wondering why she hadn't had a break down already.  
  
But it didn't really matter now because Ron was still yelling. Something about not listening to him. That was probably true wasn't it? If he would ever shut up she could actually talk to him. Of course what to say was beyond her. Yes that would be the moment that the break down would actually happen Hermione concluded. Right now Ron was just yelling her at. She wasn't experiencing it. No instead she was inside her own damned head trying to figure out how any of this would work out.  
  
But it wouldn't work out. That was what she could feel a terror inside her chest telling her. And that terror was making her heart pump so fast. Or perhaps it was that running up stairs that did that. Or just maybe it was because she was going insane.  
  
That was certainly what Ron thought. He had called her insane for what seemed to be twenty times already. Insane for writing to that basterd. Insane for not tearing that letter up on spot. Insane if she was even considering listening to Potter. Of course he had yelled thirty times more to tell him what potter had told her to tell him.  
  
"You're such a hypocrite Ronald!" Hermione manage to scream over him. Then the room fell silent. Oh shit, she had to do something now.  
  
Hermione silently walked towards the window and flung the curtains open .The sunlight streaming in Ron squinted to see her frame outlined in the blinding light. Hermione just continued to open the widow. Perfectly normally Hermione reactions Ron thought exasperatedly.  
  
What was wrong with her? He killed your parents, don't you remember? How can you even think of talking to him let alone asking for advice? Why couldn't she have just come to him? And that just made him more afraid about what this was all about.  
  
"I don't expect you to understand." Hermione said simply looking out the window. A warm breeze hit her face and she willed herself to face Ron, but she couldn't do it. Then she would break down. And then He would think she didn't want to do this. That she was just doing this because Harry Potter was telling her to. He thought she was messed up enough in the head to listen to him. But she wasn't, she just realized what she wanted because of him.  
  
"Understand what?" Ron asked with a thread of anxiousness sewn into his voice. he inquisitively watched Hermione trace the frame of the window. She flicked the imaginary dust off her finger. He just stood there, waiting.  
  
"The letter..."  
  
"Bloody Hell, I don't give a damn about the letter anymore, I want to know what it means." Ron cried out in frustration. He was tired of this game. Why wouldn't Hermione just get to the point? Ron marched up to her and tried to look into her eyes. She looked away. He grabbed her head and forced a look.  
  
Hermione's throat formed a dry block. And Ron wasn't giving up. Didn't he realize this made it harder? He was smothering her. She needed air. And with a sharp intake of breath She stuttered the word "I"  
  
"I" ... don't love you. I love Severus. I am insane. I need my space. I need someone to hold me. I need Severus to hold me. I need you to quite being so protective. I know Harry is insane. I am not dumb. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt me either. I just want to do what is right. I am not quite sure I know what is right...  
  
And with her shudder and a million thoughts weaved in her head, she shoved Ron away. She let the tears itching in her eyes finally fall and laid her head in her arms on the windowsill. And a small bird on the sat next to her and decided to sing a beautiful song, perhaps just in spite of her.  
  
...  
  
Severus glanced around the room, trying to look as though he was just looking for something wrong with everyone's potions. Trying to seem like he wasn't concerned about anything. Luckily no one ever looked him in the eye if they didn't have to anyways. So no one could tell that he really was desperately concerned about the fact Hermione was gone.  
  
Her and Ron were having a long bout then, if they were still fighting. Or perhaps they had already made up and were making out and Hermione not noticing she was missing potions. The thought about Ron gave him a headache. Always had. But now that he had this horrible mental image of him snogging Hermione, it was worse then ever.  
  
She probably wanted to avoid Potions anyhow.  
  
"Where is Ms. Granger?" He barked out to the class that were all quietly concentrating on the extremely advanced potion he gave them. A few glanced up, but most just continued trying to fix the potion from being horribly wrong. Stupid kids will they not pay attention to him? Oh, wait there was Malfoy...  
  
"Her and Ron left breakfast early, looked as if Weasley was going to explode. Rumor is the mudblood cheated on him." Malfoy drawled out adding too much powdered lizard lungs to his potion. Snape choose to ignore this, instead wondering if Draco had made up this rumor himself.  
  
"Or they are just fucking in an abandoned classroom on the third floor." Pansy Parkinson added looking at Malfoy, who gaged in turn. Snape wanted to do so also but settled for glaring at Pansy who looked very pleased at herself.  
  
"Honestly they shouldn't reproduce." Malfoy muttered, though saying it loud enough for Pansy to let out a pathetically stupid giggle. How she even managed to get this far was beyond Snape. And the mix of her and Malfoy was enough to make anyone's blood boil.  
  
And then he had to pretend to love them, damn their parents.  
  
But not today. No he was worried about Hermione. Or rather worried about what she was doing. The fact he didn't want to consider the options of what she was doing was not keeping them from rolling across his mind. Especially after Malfoy winked at Pansy who let out another one her annoying giggly screeches.  
  
"Silence." Severus sighed out, knowing he would have rather shouted it instilling fear in them. But he "liked" them and he was supposed to be agitated at Ms. Granger not them. "Malfoy, I'm leaving you in charge, While I go and find Ms. Granger. "  
  
Malfoy beamed Saying 'good luck' evidently being sure Gryffindor was going to lose housepoints for this one. Severus fought the urge to roll his eyes and turned on his heel out the door. Hearing the door slam shut behind him he could almost imagine the chaos that had already started happening though he was but one step away from the door.  
  
But he had bigger things to worry about. Things that as he thought of them made him almost want to slow his frantic steps down. Things like what he would walk in onto. Or what might have been this fight been about. Okay, so it was true Ron ad Hermione always had these stupid "disputes." And maybe it was nothing. But what if it was something more horrible.  
  
He couldn't put anything past the old member's of the Hogwarts trio. Somehow they had all gone downhill and didn't know when to stop. Like how Ron had moved out and left his family. Not that Severus really cared. But he did care about that other one... Hermione.  
  
Hermione didn't know when to stop either. Like when she kissed him. She didn't know when to stop doing anything she could do to hurt Harry. Because as it left a bitter scratch in Harry, it left one in him too. And he told himself that he should be angry about it. He should be enraged to the full limit an ex-death eater should be enraged to. But oddly enough he wasn't.  
  
It's been more like a sick test. Like he had dealt with so many more important things then this silly girl, that it shouldn't bother him. At least that's what his head screamed at him.  
  
So when Severus opened up the closed door to the abandoned class room n the 3rd floor corridor, he had to admit he was rather pleased they weren't making out or some thing along those lines. As much as it would have pleased him to take away points from Gryffindor it was still better this way. Even though it would have been better not to feel something to see Hermione in tears and Ron glaring angrily at her. And even though his better conscious intelligent left side of his brain was telling him not to indulge into his hidden passion for Hermione, he did so anyhow.  
  
"Hermione," Let the name hang in the air. As stepping closer to her heart broken form. He looked at her eyes, though red and glazed over he wanted to see them more then anything. Lightly placing his fingertips on her cheekbone he saw her swimming brown eyes and leaned down to place a small kiss on her forehead. He then pulled back and stepped away, only wondering what Ron might say.  
  
"This is complete and utter bull." Ron shouted from his position still next to the window. Fists balled up, and face as red as his hair. Cause you would be quite agitated too, and hour latter you have received not one answer at which the letter in question was about. And just as you thought you were breaking through some person who hated you walked in, and totally interrupted all you've been working at all morning.  
  
Especially for Ron, he had been walking a fine line the last weeks. It got to be tiring, trying not to make Hermione cry. He understood it was all very hard for her, but he could only handle so much negativity. All the tears left really nothing for him. He felt as though there was nothing he could do to make her feel better. And that there was nothing she could do to make him happy anymore, because she couldn't even be happy with her own damn self.  
  
Ron had not fucking idea that this relationship was going to be like this when he thought of Hermione before. No, she was always more loving and less longing. And then there was this letter, from Potter. And when she read it, he saw the first smile flicker on her lips that he seen in what seemed to be forever. No it was longer then that, it was last summer.  
  
He still had the crumpled letter in his hands and looked at it. Then he looked at his professor and his girlfriend. What the hell, he thought, go with your instincts. And he hoped to god that his instincts were wrong. And he was no more physic then a tealeaf. But he was going to say it, since they were both staring expectantly at him now, waiting for him to say something.  
  
"Hermione I won't allow you to fall in love with him." Ron shook the letter. Looking at her fallen face as his mouth gaped open at what he, himself, had just said. His heart pounding out of his chest in a vain refusal to his mind telling to keep his emotions down. "I mean, if you want to not be with me, I can live with that." Ron looked at her looking fixedly at the floor tile, him trying to breath, finally relaxing he needed to breath out and not in. "I can just not let you do that to yourself Hermione."  
  
"I would not go as far to say love Mr. Weasley" Came Snape's cold voice, and for once Ron was happy to hear it because he didn't know how long he could go on talking for himself. "I don't know if she could..."  
  
"No," Ron forced the voice out of his mouth to stop Snape. Something about his old professor was easier to talk to then Hermione anyways. A little easier, but not much. "She would have to love Potter to stick with him this long."  
  
Hermione let out a cackle like laughter, because this was all so awkward. Because Ron had gotten it so wrong. She crossed over to him and gave it a hug. She could only imagine Severus behind her still trying to catch up. She felt Ron awkwardly pat her on the back from this hug. And she let go, to save him from his own embarrassment.  
  
"No," Hermione said biting lip that was actually trying to curl up into a smile at Ron's accusations. She sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye. "I would never love Harry, Ron."  
  
"You wouldn't? I mean, I just thought, your face was so..."Ron face flooded with a huge blush, as he inspected his shoes now. "What was the, ?"  
  
And then the room fell into its utter silence again. And Ron almost wished he hadn't asked. Hermione felt the exact same way, because she as much as she wanted to say it had all her self-confidence depleted out of her. She gulped, and looked at her hands, mad urge to bit her fingernails suddenly occurring. But instead she found herself tracing the shirt in front of her that was such a dark navy that it was almost black. But it wasn't black. She listened to Severus breath a little more deeply with her touch.  
  
"It told me to tell Severus I" She was staring so hard at that navy fabric But now his hands came down and intertwined with hers. She dared to look up into his eyes. And she saw there the most genuine smile, because though something of a smile played at his lips his eyes could not lie. And you could never trust Severus without that.  
  
But then Hermione stopped, because as wonderful as this all seemed, there was Ron. And she looked at him. He had his hand buried in his pockets, and he gave a rather feeble excuse for a shrug. And of course Hermione felt so guilty.  
  
"I'm sorry Ron;" She spoke softly, latching onto Severus's hands for support. And what was she supposed to say to Ron? Something horrible cliche, like 'Lets still be friends' or try to explain how and why, which really wouldn't make much since anyways. And she felt so damned horrible, she felt like the worst person ever.  
  
"Its okay Hermione, things weren't the greatest anyways, and he's a slight improvement from Harry... I guess." Ron stumbled on, so many words falling out of his mouth, he wasn't keeping track of what he was saying. It didn't matter anyways. He was going to have to break up with her soon if she was always so miserable anyways. And this way she wasn't more miserable by the matter. Of course if it was the other way around maybe he wouldn't feel like his internal organs were all taken out and stomped on. But then again maybe he would have still felt this way.  
  
"I hate to interrupt this teenage drama and all." Severus butted into the dead silence, that was in fact as much of the conversation Hermione and Ron were having as much as the words. "But I came down here in the first place to bring Ms. Granger to class, and I have spent a bit of time down here and I am absolutely petrified to see what shape my classroom is in by now, and so.."  
  
Hermione nodded her head. He was still Snape, and there was something comforting about that. Or it was just the fact they could all have a reason to leave this room. Hermione let go of her professor's hands and walked up to Ron. She gave him a peck on the cheek.  
  
"I hope this will all work out." She muttered, and blushed immediately at how much more cliché that was then 'lets still be friends' and turned approaching the door handle to turn it and be followed by Severus out the door where he took her hand again and they walked silently to the potions room.  
  
And for once they both felt at least a bit contented, maybe with a twinge of hopefulness each.  
  
...  
  
Potions class ended, Hermione stood watching Draco Malfoy finally exit the room smirking at her. He was convincing that Gryffindor had just lost a ton of house points. But she couldn't help roll her eyes because Slytherin had lost more because of the right state the room was in when they arrived. And the fact that his potion was done absolutely horribly. Not that she was even allowed to attempt to do the potion herself.  
  
She had managed to take such a long time doing the absolute nothing of putting her cauldron away that she was the last one left in the room except for Severus. She had just finished slowly putting her notes into her bag and closing it. Finished she looked up to see Severus looking at her transfixed. She smiled at the gaze, and he rewarded her with a smile returned.  
  
"I really should punish you Ms. Granger." Her said in a tone that let her know that he was really considering it. He crossed across the room to go ending up looking down at her listening to the not yet familiar sound of his pounding heart because he was not yet all that familiar at being with her. Gazing down into her brown eyes he let a kiss fall between them. A sweet suffocating kiss because he was not sure he could breath anymore. Because he wanted her.  
  
And he wasn't quite sure if breathing was that important anymore. 


	15. epilogue

*A/N: well I finally finished my first fanfiction. wow. Well its a short epilogue so I cant make the not longer then it, so I just want to thank all my reviewers for the last time and that I might be coming out with my second fanfiction soon... I hope.*  
  
~Epilogue~  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
The presentation went well, the one for the age reducing potion I was telling you about. Both Severus and I got a fair amount of money that will make it quite possible for us to live comfortably for quite a bit. And after that we can just threaten to make more and sell it on the black market for the ministry to offer us some more.  
  
I'm going off to the university at autumn, I will major in potions and arithmacy. I'm quite excited about it. Severus said after 1st year, in which I'm required to live on campus, I can save money by living with him. If he is trying o hint at something, I have no idea.  
  
Okay so maybe I do.  
  
But its too soon to think about that. Ron is going to continue at Hogwarts next year.  
  
Ron still doesn't approve of me writing to you. But I think it cant do any harm, now can it? Oh well, Ron is always very tense, but I guess thets what the new Ron is like. Or maybe he will eventually calm down. I really hope he will. Ron and I always had our bouts before, but they are harsher now. Too bad for him I say. He will have to get over it. I am not putting up with no shit from him. Severus taught me how to not put up with shit from anyone.  
  
Don't fuck with me.  
  
Hermione  
  
...  
  
Harry put down his letter not knowing what to say, partiality because her talk of the future reminded him he had none. Partially because he didn't know how to respond to "Dont fuck with me" . And mostly because he didn't know if he could speak anymore, because the silence was so strong that the written words pounded into his head.  
  
Harry sat down on the cot left in his room. It made no noise now, because he screamed till the witch had put a silencing charm on it. He laid back and closed his eyes, folding the letter onto quarters. Holding it to his chest he continued counting the breaths till he could die.  
  
And this is how his story ended, because most stories don't have an end, but Harry Potter's did. While Hermione's would have left us with a happily ever after is that really enough? Because in this world The End has so much more finality to it. And this is it.  
  
The End 


End file.
